


Perfect

by subak_jumokbap



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Fluff, Insecurity, M/M, Misunderstandings, Roommates, insecure renjun, jensung for a short while, rensung, side jaemyang, side markhei - Freeform, soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-22
Updated: 2020-05-22
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:09:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 32,940
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24322561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/subak_jumokbap/pseuds/subak_jumokbap
Summary: “We don’t like each other like that,” Renjun reminds him.Mark raises an eyebrow challengingly. “You think he’s cute.”“And hot,” Donghyuck adds.“Ignoring all of that,” Renjun says flatly, not wanting to give his friends more things to tease him about. He should be allowed at least a tiny piece of pride to hold on to. He shrugs. “We’re just roommates who get along well, that’s all. It’s not unheard of.”Both Mark and Donghyuck scoff. Renjun doesn’t appreciate it at all.
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Park Jisung
Comments: 130
Kudos: 468





	Perfect

**Author's Note:**

> brain: what tropes do you want  
> me:  
> me: yes
> 
> shoutout to cel for liking this and telling me this isn't as bad as i think it is no matter how much i insist <3
> 
> (uhhh don't believe everything you read,, you have to be patient and read on. umm,, jaemin in this fic is not a jerk. ok that is all)

Renjun comes home with hands full of groceries. He’s walking down the corridor of the apartment when he sees that the front door is slightly ajar. While it means that he doesn’t have to struggle with the groceries to take his keys out of his pocket, it also means that someone had intentionally left the door open. Park Jisung must be awake.

Renjun pushes past the door, keeps it ajar as he enters. The rustling of the bags noisily marks his presence. He toes off his shoes and while his eyes are trained at his feet, he feels the weight of the bags being lifted off his hands. He looks up and sees a freshly showered Jisung in a grey hoodie and a pair of black shorts, his hair yet to dry properly. He smiles at Jisung to thank him before Jisung disappears with their groceries into the kitchen. Renjun arranges his shoes neatly on the rack, lining up Jisung’s as well while he’s at it and goes to meet Jisung.

“You should have woken me up to follow you,” Jisung says when Renjun appears. Jisung takes the box of cereal from the pile of groceries he’s placed on their kitchen island and moves to put them at the top cabinet shelf. Renjun comes next to him and rummages through the bags for his packet of tea. He turns behind to grab the empty container on the kitchen counter and pours the sachets inside. Jisung takes the container and caps it back for him. Renjun slides his hand down Jisung’s back in gratitude as he moves to throw the packaging into the bin. 

Jisung has the eggs out next when Renjun returns. Jisung’s a little of a hazard so Renjun takes over and they switch places swiftly in one harmonious motion so that Renjun is closer to the fridge. Their movements are so attuned to each other that it’s like clockwork.

“You were still sleeping. You stayed up late again, didn’t you?” 

Renjun knows for a fact that Jisung did. When he woke up for a glass of water at three in the morning, he saw light flooding through the gap of Jisung’s door. Jisung doesn’t sleep late often but his lack of a sleeping pattern is worrying. It makes Renjun question his mental and physical states sometimes. He wonders how Jisung powers through everything despite his messed up sleep schedule. Once, he bumped into Jisung in the kitchen for breakfast and when he wished him good morning, Jisung soullessly wished him goodnight. Jisung didn’t come out of his room until Renjun was back from lessons and done with dinner. Basically, Jisung has his own way of living life, and it’s a way Renjun is not used to. 

“I wouldn’t have minded if you woke me. I’m just sorry you had to carry all the things by yourself.” Jisung makes it a point to look at Renjun as he approaches the fridge with two milk cartons - one of it normal milk while the other chocolate because Jisung likes his flavoured. Renjun keeps the fridge door open for him. He pats Jisung’s cheek when Jisung nears as a way to tell Jisung that he doesn’t have to feel bad for not following. It’s a Saturday, Renjun understands if Jisung had wanted to sleep in. 

Renjun sidesteps Jisung to switch their positions. He returns to the island and rummages for the packets of ramen. He finds the pack of beer first and passes it to Jisung to keep in the fridge. Renjun manages to find the ramen and moves to store them in the lower cabinet shelf on the opposite side of the kitchen.

“It’s okay. Just take the next grocery-run,” Renjun suggests when he sees that Jisung still looks bummed about it. He figures giving Jisung the chance to be responsible for the next run would make him feel better. It seems to work because Jisung looks less like he’s internally chiding himself. 

“I will,” Jisung says determinedly. “Tell me when we need groceries again. You know I’m not very good at knowing we’re running out of food.” 

Renjun laughs at that. He is well aware that Jisung finds out they’re running low on food only when he mentions it to him. Renjun can already picture the situation in his head - after he tells Jisung about their low supply, Jisung will blink at him as realisation slowly dawns upon his face. Jisung will ask blankly if that’s the reason why their cabinets and fridge have been looking off lately. Renjun will then question him how he’s able to keep himself alive up till now. Jisung will shrug and say he’s not afraid of death. It will make no sense, as with half of the things Jisung says, and the conversation will end there with Jisung saying whatever he wants and Renjun just accepting it. In short, the situation is not unfamiliar and they’ll be starving to death if Renjun doesn’t inform him. 

“Don’t worry, I definitely will,” Renjun assures him. When Renjun comes back to the island, he sees that Jisung’s cleared the rest of their groceries. Jisung shakes his head to keep his fringe away from his eyes and starts folding the plastic bags into a neat triangle to be reused. Renjun can’t help but feel proud watching Jisung as he does it because he was the one who had taught Jisung how to.

Jisung slides him a plastic bag. Renjun takes it and folds alongside him on the island. “I kept the front door open by the way. It was open when I came home.” 

“Oh right,” Jisung groans, glancing at the clock hanging on top of the kitchen entryway. His lips form a thin line. “It’s for Jeno hyung. Shit, I forgot about that. We were supposed to go out. He’ll be here in five minutes.” 

Renjun tuts at him. It’s very typical of Jisung to wait till the last minute to prepare. Renjun is certain Jisung had been chilling on the couch, playing games on his phone the entire time instead of getting himself ready.

Jisung rushes to fold his plastic bag into completion, gives Renjun a sorry look for not being able to do the rest with him and zooms off to his room to get ready. He doesn’t even bother closing his room door.

“It’ll be your first time meeting Jeno hyung isn’t it?” Jisung shouts from his room. Renjun yells back his reply. 

Renjun has never met Jeno but he has met Chenle before. Among Renjun’s friends, Jisung has only met Donghyuck. Although they don’t interact much with each other’s friend group, Renjun thinks their group of friends are pretty similar, based on his interaction with Chenle and how Jisung speaks of Jeno. He thinks if it ever comes to it, their friends might even click with each other. It makes him feel assured, in the sense that he doesn’t have to worry about hating his roommate’s friends or escaping just to avoid them whenever they come around. Jisung also seems comfortable when Donghyuck is around so that makes one less worry on Renjun’s shoulders.

It’s only been four months of him and Jisung living together. He remembers how quiet Jisung was during their first month. He could tell that Jisung was shy and the type to open up slowly. He understood that perfectly, showed Jisung that he did and gave Jisung space. He initiated conversations to make it easier for Jisung to speak to him. Slowly but progressively they built rapport and established trust. They’ve now overcome the beginning awkward stages and Jisung doesn’t care what Renjun thinks of him anymore; not when he sings in the shower, not when he’s crying while watching animal documentaries and definitely not while he’s changing clothes in his room with the door open, like what is happening now.

“Is Chenle coming?” Renjun shouts back. He hasn’t seen Chenle in a while. He had promised to cook for Chenle the last time Chenle came around. If Chenle comes too he can ask Jeno and Chenle to have dinner at theirs. 

“He’s not interested!” A few loud thuds sound and a groan follows. “We’re going to the museum! He says it’s for losers but what does he know!”

Renjun’s amusement peaks at the mention of the museum. It’s a non-typical hangout place for college kids but it doesn’t bid as a surprise to Renjun to hear that Jisung’s going there. He’s come to learn that Jisung is always full of surprises, he simply doesn’t conform to anything. Before Renjun can get out a reply, he hears footsteps out front. Jeno must be here. 

Renjun thinks of announcing Jeno’s presence to Jisung but Jeno does it himself.

“Park Jisung,” Jeno voices loudly with a hint of impatience. He strolls about the apartment and Renjun sees him first from the kitchen before he sees Renjun. From the way Jeno doesn’t look awkward standing around, Renjun figures he’s been here a few times before, only that it doesn’t coincide with when he was home. Renjun also realises that Jeno’s face isn’t a foreign one. Jeno fiddles with the plants on their coffee table, then he plays with their standing lamp. Jeno turns and finally spots Renjun. 

He sports a look of embarrassment on his face. He scratches the back of his neck and points awkwardly at Renjun. “You’re the roommate.” Renjun nods at that. 

“You’re the other best friend,” Renjun offers.

“Boyfriend,” Jeno corrects, looking bashful. “But best friend too, I guess you can say that.”

The revelation catches Renjun by surprise. He hadn’t been aware that Jisung was seeing someone, much less that someone being Jeno. He’s sure he would have remembered if Jisung had mentioned it to him. He’s a little doubtful of himself, however, and thinks he might have been zoning out when Jisung told him about it. 

He should definitely have remembered it though. 

“I know you,” Jeno realises.

Renjun nods and gives a smile. “We’re in the same French class.”

“Ah! Bonjour,” Jeno smiles widely, too happy at being given the chance to use french. “Enchanté! Je m’appelle Lee Jeno.”

Renjun doesn’t mean to but he winces at how greasy Jeno sounds. He knows Jeno was trying to make it sound natural but he can’t ignore how terrible it was to hear. He makes it a point not to reply in french just so Jeno wouldn’t try to speak french the entire conversation. 

“Yes, nice to meet you too. I’m Renjun.”

Jeno’s smile doesn’t falter but he laughs embarrassedly. “Yeah, that was bad. Sorry about that.”

Renjun tells him it’s fine. His french is horrible too anyway. He shouldn’t be judging. “You can sit here while you wait,” Renjun says but he realises that Jeno and Jisung are at a comfortable stage where Jisung probably wouldn’t mind if Jeno entered the room while he dresses. He flushes at his mistake. “Or you can go into his room, whichever you prefer. Jisung’s only gotten ready about two minutes ago.”

Jeno snorts, clearly used to Jisung’s routine. He opts for sitting at one of the stools at the kitchen island. 

“So, the museum,” Renjun muses, turning his back to Jeno. He puts the plastic bags he and Jisung had folded away into a drawer. He hears Jeno laugh and he turns back around, leans back against the kitchen counter, arms crossed in front of his chest.

“He’d been talking about going there all week,” Jeno explains with a sort of fondness. It’s a date, Renjun belatedly registers. That would explain why Chenle isn’t tagging along. “He’s into war relics lately, I’m sure you’ve noticed.” Jeno smiles as he eyes the small plastic tanks beside the potted plants decorating the sink, just to the left where Renjun is leaning.

Jisung had thought it would be a great addition to the kitchen interior and even though Renjun told him it was weird, Jisung relentlessly insisted. He argued that he couldn’t see why Renjun could put his fake plants there but not his tiny tanks. Renjun gave in eventually and he thinks it’s worth it, even if the tanks stick out like sore thumbs, because Jisung’s eyes light up every time he sees them when he enters the kitchen. 

“He’d been watching videos of them too. Weapons, uniforms, pins. He probably watched them last night as well,” Renjun shares. 

Jisung comes out of the room then, his hair styled nicely making it look less like he’d just stepped out of the shower. He has on a pair of jeans that effortlessly flaunts his long legs and a thin white shirt underneath a soft blue cardigan that complements his lean body. Renjun has seen Jisung in different styles and he thinks that this too, like all the others before, fits Jisung really well. He hasn’t seen a style which doesn’t.

“Do I look okay?” Jisung asks, combing through his hair a final time. His eyes look to Renjun and Renjun bites the inside of his cheeks before he smiles and nods assuringly. 

“You look great.”

Jisung grins. Jeno turns his head back to scan Jisung’s outfit and pretends to think deeply about it. He shrugs. “You look okay, I guess.”

Jisung scrunches his nose at him but an obnoxious grin appears and he has Jeno in a chokehold within seconds. “You weren’t badmouthing me, were you?”

“Only saying how you’re always wasting my time,” Jeno chokes. Jisung lets go of him, satisfied at the cough Jeno lets out. He walks to the sink near where Renjun is. He asks Jeno if he’s seen his tanks. He bends his knees slightly and points at them as if they were his prized possessions. His eyes are bright and sparkly as he watches for Jeno’s reaction.

“They’re pretty cool,” Jeno says, aware that Jisung is waiting for his approval. Renjun can tell that Jeno isn’t just saying it to please him. Jisung beams in satisfaction. Renjun knows Jisung will start going on about how he made those tanks and tell Jeno everything, starting from the moment he bought them but Jeno takes a brief glance at his watch and his expression changes. They must be running late because Jeno gets up immediately and starts pulling Jisung out of the kitchen. Renjun doesn’t miss how Jisung grips Jeno’s hand instinctively despite Jeno’s sudden haste. 

“The museum closes in three hours. That’s not enough time for you to admire everything! We’re running behind schedule!”

Renjun follows them into the living room at a leisurely pace, entertaining himself by watching them. Jeno manages to slip his shoes on at an incredible speed. Jisung on the other hand struggles with his. He ultimately sits down and jams his right foot inside his shoe, grumbling about how schedules are unnecessary. Jeno groans about Jisung not changing the slightest since he was twelve, all the while patiently helping Jisung with his left shoe. It’s a sight to watch and Renjun feels a funny feeling in his chest watching them.

Jisung doesn’t stop complaining and Jeno’s face tells that he’s heard the same thing one time too many. Jisung goes on to argue how time is only a social construct and that they should be able to visit the museum even at midnight. Jisung can be really stubborn at times and Renjun secretly likes to watch how heated Jisung gets. He lets out a laugh under his breath listening to Jisung ramble. Jisung catches it and turns his head, grinning in surprise, happy that someone finds him entertaining. Jeno ties up Jisung’s shoelace for him, and then Jisung’s bidding Renjun a quick goodbye before he’s being dragged out of the apartment. Their abrupt absence leaves a loud silence and Renjun simply stands there for a moment after they leave. The funny feeling in his chest slowly eases away. He shakes his head and closes the apartment door.

—-

“Thanks Renjun, you’re a lifesaver.”

Mark plops onto the couch as soon as he enters. He balances his laptop on his knees. His glasses slide down his nose as he types in the wifi password Renjun reads out to him. It’s about eight at night and Mark had emergency-called Renjun because the wifi at his dorm is down. It acts as the perfect excuse for Mark to come over. Renjun knows Mark doesn’t like the campus dorms, no one does and Renjun can’t blame them. He had gone over to Donghyuck’s room once and it was so horribly boring, the toilets are always faulty and the mosquitoes are extremely annoying. The only good thing is that it makes Renjun appreciate his past decision to rent and share an apartment off campus, even if it means his friends leeching off his food and wifi.

Mark has an assignment that was due yesterday but he’d gotten a one day extension and there’s no way he was going to miss that one as well. Which is why he’s currently here feeding off Renjun’s wifi. Renjun tells Mark to stay over since he’s already here, knowing that Mark was probably waiting for the offer. Renjun has been alone the whole day anyway - Jisung’s not back from his date yet and while Renjun could have spent time with Donghyuck, he had decidedly ignored Donghyuck’s calls all day. To be fair, there was a ninety percent chance that Donghyuck was only calling him to convince him to a party. Renjun’s too lazy to go out. 

“Why aren’t you at the party?” Mark asks, typing away at his laptop. Renjun sits in front of the TV and makes himself comfortable on the rug. He switches the TV on.

“Didn’t feel like it. Didn’t Donghyuck persuade you to go?”

“I don’t know. I ignored his calls.”

Renjun turns back at Mark, his eyes wide. “Shit. I did too.”

Mark manages a delighted grin which Renjun mirrors. “We’re fucked.”

“He’s gonna hate us,” Renjun laughs, turning back to the TV. A documentary on war remnants shows on the screen. It’s a rerun of an episode and Renjun thinks he’s seen Jisung watch it a couple of days ago. Renjun stays on the channel out of curiosity. Surprisingly, it’s more captivating than he thought it would be. 

“You got some food?”

“Go search the kitchen yourself,” Renjun mutters.

Mark huffs about how Renjun isn’t treating his guest nicely. But Mark is an invader not a guest and if he’s hungry he can go invade the kitchen himself.

“Where’s your cereal?” Mark shouts from the kitchen.

Renjun tells him it’s at the cabinet shelf above the microwave. He hears Mark groan and he knows why. There’s a reason why it’s up there.

“Why the fuck is it so high for? How do you even reach it?”

Renjun doesn’t have to because he doesn’t eat cereal. Jisung is the only one who does so they had decided that the top cabinet should be where Jisung’s stash goes. It’s mostly so that Renjun doesn’t have to struggle to get something that’s out of reach. Mark starts complaining about the unnecessary amount of effort just to get a bowl of cereal. Renjun hears him drag a chair. Mark grudgingly asks how tall Jisung is.

“I don’t know. Like, five meters.”

“I hate him.”

Mark comes back with his hard-earned bowl of cereal. He sits back on the couch and eyes the programme Renjun’s watching weirdly. Renjun shrugs when Mark asks about it. He changes it to a rerun of a drama instead.

Renjun texts Jisung about Mark staying over. Jisung’s never met Mark before and Renjun knows how Jisung can get around strangers. Jisung comes back an hour later and Renjun has moved from the floor next to Mark on the couch, his head resting on Mark’s shoulder. Jisung eyes Mark when he steps into the living room and gives a small nod of his head as a greeting which Mark returns. Renjun introduces them both to each other. After Jisung leaves to his room, Mark elbows Renjun’s side and peers at him above his glasses. 

“You told me he was tall. You didn’t mention he was cute.”

Renjun snorts and tells Mark he doesn’t see why there was a need to mention it. Jisung comes out a while later, freshly showered, donning his grey hoodie and shorts from the afternoon. He joins them in the living room and sits comfortably in front of the TV, at the same spot where Renjun had sat earlier. Jisung’s behaviour comes unexpected because Renjun had thought Jisung would have preferred to stay in his room. It’s a nice surprise to see Jisung being comfortable instead of being shy like how he was when he first met Donghyuck.

Jisung turns his head back and asks if he can change the channel. Renjun had been the only one watching and Mark’s too engrossed with his assignment to pay the TV any mind so he tells Jisung to do as he pleases. Jisung beams upon hearing that and proceeds to switch the channel back to the one showing the war remnants documentary. 

Mark looks up at the TV and squints at it for a few moments before he slowly turns his head to Renjun. Renjun returns Mark’s curious gaze and detects amusement dancing in Mark’s eyes. Renjun doesn’t understand what Mark is trying to convey and quietly asks what his problem is. Mark only shakes his head and gives a vague smile.

Mark does however bump Renjun’s shoulder and whispers to him, “You know, I don’t think I heard you deny that he’s cute.”

Renjun rolls his eyes at Mark’s childish remark and mouths very clearly for Mark to understand. _He’s taken._

Mark pouts for him and pushes his glasses up his nose. He side-glances Renjun briefly before returning to his assignment. _That’s too bad then_ , he mouths back. 

—-

Jisung is dragging his feet as they walk, still very groggy from being woken up at seven in the morning. Renjun knows for a fact that Jisung has morning lectures on Mondays and that Chenle would appreciate it if his best friend didn’t ditch him every single time. Also, Jisung should really attend more of his lectures. 

Jisung is wearing glasses today (because he says he wants to hide his swollen face) and his bangs are long enough that they fall over his eyes. He looks adorable but he’s grumpy, Renjun can tell from the way he hides into his hoodie and how his shoulders are all hunched up. Renjun sighs at the sight of him. He uses the file in his arms to hit Jisung’s side and make Jisung look at him.

“Stop frowning,” he chides him. “Morning lectures are great. They start your day productively.”

Jisung groans and pulls at his own face. “You’re unbearable.” 

It’s a straight path from their apartment to campus so Jisung takes advantage of that and walks with his eyes closed, not appreciating the way the Sun is gradually brightening the sky and hurting his eyes.

Renjun digs out a granola bar from his bag and shoves it to Jisung’s chest. Jisung had snoozed through his alarms and hadn’t managed to have breakfast at all. Jisung cracks his eyes open and grudgingly accepts the snack. He unwraps it immediately, snapping it in a bite.

“I just don’t understand how you wake up early every single day, have time for breakfast, go for all your lectures and remember to do laundry and get groceries and like,” Jisung takes another bite. “You’re perfect every second of your life.”

Seeing how he’s talking more now with food in his system, Renjun concludes that Jisung was indeed hangry, as he had expected. 

It’s funny that Jisung should think Renjun is perfect because Renjun hardly thinks he is. Renjun is far from it but he tries his best. In truth, he can’t help being organised and ‘having his life together’, he’s been living that way his whole life. It’s how his parents go about their days and he somehow fell into the same pattern by default. It’s as integral in his system as breathing is. He’s not the type to push things to the last minute too, which he realises must irk someone like Jisung, who does everything at the final moment. Jisung is spontaneous and hardly predictable. They’re quite different, Jisung and him, but Renjun doesn’t mind their differences at all. He thinks Jisung feels the same way because they accommodate each other’s lifestyles easily.

“It’s good to be on top of things,” Renjun tells him. “And please walk faster. You’re going to be late at this rate.”

Jisung can’t look any less bothered. In Jisung’s world, time is a mere nuisance he doesn’t understand nor obey. “The professor is always five minutes late. Time is a-”

“A social construct, yes, Jisung.”

“Yes,” Jisung huffs, finishing the last bit of his granola bar. He stuffs the wrapper inside the pocket of his joggers which makes Renjun wince.

“Why does society need to have seconds, and minutes, and hours? And why sixty seconds in a minute? Like, just live your life. Why come up with all these things?” Jisung stresses. He distractedly catches a ‘wet paint’ sign on a bench and Renjun has to pull his finger away before he touches it. He promptly continues his argument. “Society sucks. You should live however you want, hyung.”

“This _is_ how I want to live, Sung.” 

Jisung tugs Renjun’s backpack all of a sudden, effectively pulling him back from crossing the road absentmindedly. A car passes by barely a second after. Renjun’s heart jumps at the near miss. He sends Jisung a thankful look. Jisung’s hand slides down to his elbow and he guides them forward again. 

“You’re always planning ahead. I bet you’ve planned out your whole weekend, and it’s only Monday.” Jisung makes it a point to look at him. “Tell me I’m wrong.”

“It’s not a crime to plan ahead,” Renjun counters defensively. Jisung gives him a flat look. He is about to nag at Jisung when Jisung abruptly snatches his file from his arms. He doesn’t get a chance to protest. With the hold Jisung still has on his elbow, Jisung starts navigating them through what Renjun only realises is a sudden onset of a crowd coming from the traffic light in front. Jisung keeps him near and briefly checks to see that he is moving along with him as they try to smoothly meander through the crowd. 

When they make it through, Jisung gently lets go of him. Jisung picks up from where their conversation left off. “What I’m trying to say is that life is all about surprises, hyung. Stop being so… so stiff. You don’t always have to be on top of things. That’s what’s fun about life! Focus on the now! Carpe diem!” He turns to Renjun. “That’s french, right?”

Renjun sighs. “Latin.”

Jisung scrunches his nose. “Jeno hyung told me it’s french.”

“That’s because he probably thinks it is. Also, I like planning ahead. You’d be surprised but people actually do want to be organised, Sung.” Renjun reaches to get his file back from him. “Helps keep track of things.”

Jisung sighs dejectedly, a sign that he’s given up convincing Renjun for now. Renjun knows when the topic comes up again, Jisung would definitely dive in once more. But it’s fun, arguing stupidly about nothings. 

Jisung passes Renjun back his file. He eyes it pointedly. “You should get a new one, you know. A single bump and all your papers would be flying everywhere.” 

Renjun eyes Jisung skeptically as he accepts his file. Was that why Jisung took it in the first place? Jisung has an indifferent look on his face so it’s hard for Renjun to read him. He mutters a simple thanks and makes a mental note to get a new file. There’s a small tear at the side which he knows will only grow bigger.

They reach campus a little later than expected. Renjun doesn’t have to rush because his lecture starts in half an hour. He just likes to be early. Jisung on the other hand is late and Renjun makes him rush for it. He tells Jisung to stay awake in lecture just before they separate to their respective venues. Jisung shrugs and tells him if it happens, it happens. Renjun watches as Jisung jogs away but he gets surprised when Jisung does a turn and exclaims, “Carpe diem, hyung! Live a little!”

Renjun scoffs disbelievingly at how Jisung still tries to prove his point in the midst of rushing for class. 

“A little discipline doesn’t hurt!” He yells back.

Jisung makes a face and Renjun shakes his head incredulously, pointing for Jisung to watch where he’s going.

—-

Donghyuck’s cooking ramen for both him and Renjun, a deal they made for Renjun allowing them to do their french assignment in the apartment instead of at school. Renjun has his laptop with him at the kitchen island while Donghyuck mans the stove. Renjun tries to have a head-start on the assignment but he can’t really focus on the words he’s typing out because Donghyuck keeps stealing furtive glances at him. Donghyuck looks conflicted and Renjun meets each of Donghyuck’s glances with a levelled look. He knows Donghyuck is itching to say something but is holding back. It’s only a matter of time before he explodes.

Renjun isn’t dumb when it comes to Donghyuck, he can read Donghyuck from the simplest of glances. He knows what’s bothering him. He isn’t blind to how Donghyuck keeps eyeing Jisung’s tanks near the sink while he idles in front of the stove waiting for the ramen to be done. It’s not the first time Donghyuck’s seen Jisung’s beloved tanks but his reaction hasn’t changed one bit. He gives Renjun a lasting look, takes a deep breath. Renjun knows Donghyuck’s reached his limit.

Renjun stares him down. “No.”

“Listen-”

“Don’t you fucking dare.”

“I can’t fucking help it!” Donghyuck bites. “I have to say it. I’ll go crazy!”

Renjun points a finger at him warningly. His threat is silent but it gets conveyed sharp and clear, judging from the way Donghyuck returns it with defiance.

Donghyuck wouldn’t be Donghyuck if he doesn’t fight to have things his way. He simply doesn’t surrender. “They’re a fucking menace! Look at them!”

“Donghyuck!” Renjun hisses, glancing back briefly at the hallway leading to his and Jisung’s rooms. “Shut your mouth.”

Donghyuck looks like he’s in pain and he’d die if he doesn’t say everything on his mind. “They don’t even belong here! They’re a sore to the eyes, Jun. Who the hell puts tanks in the kitchen as decorations? Tanks, Jun. Tanks.”

Renjun threatens Donghyuck to shut up but Donghyuck is relentless. When he’s on a roll, there’s no stopping him. Renjun is crossing over to the stove in an instant but that doesn’t stop the words firing out of Donghyuck’s mouth. The only conciliation is that Donghyuck starts backing away from him.

“I still find it hard to believe that you agreed to put them there. I can’t believe you allowed this shit - like, what the fuck are they even supposed to- no get off, don’t mmmfffffhh renjffffmm mmhplefhhhhh aaaaaarrgghhhh!”

Renjun has a firm hand over Donghyuck’s mouth which effectively shuts him up. He has Donghyuck backed against the counter, the position putting him at an advantage because there’s nowhere for Donghyuck to run. Donghyuck is still trying to talk but it comes out a muffled mess of indecipherable noises. Renjun looks at him irritatedly, still keeping his hand securely on half of Donghyuck’s face.

“I told you repeatedly to keep your unwanted thoughts to yourself! He likes it,” Renjun whispers harshly, punctuating his words. He pauses and raises his chin when he speaks again. “And I honestly don’t think they’re that bad. _You_ are just mean.”

Donghyuck scoffs and glares at him. He struggles to free himself but Renjun doesn’t budge. He won’t allow Donghyuck to move a single inch until Donghyuck makes it clear that he will never speak of Jisung’s tanks that way ever again, even when Jisung isn’t around.

Donghyuck’s eyes are wide in disbelief but Renjun isn’t kidding. 

“I won’t let go till you promise you won’t harass his tanks anymore,” Renjun says firmly.

Donghyuck shows resistance. Renjun waits for Donghyuck to relent and only then does he let go.

“ _Harass_ ,” Donghyuck spits when he’s finally given room to breathe again. Renjun eyes him pointedly as he returns to the island and Donghyuck to the stove. Donghyuck grumbly checks on their ramen. “You care more about that ugly piece of plastic than you do about your best friend.”

Renjun rolls his eyes and tells Donghyuck to stop being so dramatic. He’s well aware of Donghyuck’s opinion of the tanks, might resonate with it to some extent but it’s just not possible to consider both Donghyuck’s and Jisung’s interest and choose one over the other. He obviously can’t satisfy one without hurting the other. Donghyuck doesn’t live here but Jisung does so the answer is clear to Renjun. What he really doesn’t need is for Donghyuck to aggravate the situation by insulting Jisung’s treasures where Jisung might hear him.

“Hear what?” Jisung asks, strolling into the kitchen at an impeccable timing, a lollipop sticking out from the corner of his mouth. 

Renjun and Donghyuck stare at each other, a silent agreement completed in less than a second. Donghyuck has moved to stand in front of the island and just to ensure that Donghyuck doesn’t act out of line, Renjun subtly steps on Donghyuck’s foot as a warning. Donghyuck hides his scowl behind a forced smile.

“That Donghyuck is planning on finishing the last few packets of ramen we have. Do you want some? I’ll get him to cook for you.”

Donghyuck protests, to which Jisung laughs. He’s not hungry and he tells Donghyuck that he can finish up their supply if he wants to. He’ll be sure to buy more when he’s doing their grocery-run. When Jisung leaves, Donghyuck gives Renjun a look which Renjun thinks he doesn’t deserve.

“You spoil him, Jun. You can’t keep him happy all the time.”

“He just spoiled you,” Renjun retorts. “Argument invalid. To think you insulted his tanks when he’s so nice to you.”

Donghyuck barks out a bitter laugh. “Oh I see, it’s my fault for thinking that the fucking tanks don’t belong in the kitchen.”

Renjun shrugs. “Everything’s always your fault, Donghyuck.”

Donghyuck sends him a nasty scowl.

—-

For the first time when Renjun wakes up on a Saturday morning, Jisung is already awake.

The sight of Jisung awake at eight in the morning is a surprise but the sight of Jisung awake at eight in the morning doing weird poses on a mat in their living room is confusing. Fortunately, Renjun’s been living with Jisung for months now and the most valuable thing he’s learnt is not to question anything when it comes to Jisung. He walks quietly to the couch beside which Jisung has his mat laid out, careful not to make any noise. Jisung’s eyes are scrunched closed in concentration and his palms are clasped together in front of his chest. His right foot is balanced on the side of his left leg. Renjun sits crossed-legged on the couch and makes himself comfortable. He contemplates taking a video of Jisung as he watches Jisung wobble, regain balance and wobble again. This goes on a few more times before Jisung’s tilting heavily to one side, almost toppling over but Renjun reaches out in time to steady him.

Jisung opens his eyes at the touch and scrunches his nose when he registers Renjun’s the reason why he hadn’t lost balance, and not because of his good sense of equilibrium. He dejectedly puts his foot back down onto the ground and frowns. Renjun laughs at him endearingly. 

“What on earth are you doing?”

“Pretending to be a tree,” Jisung mutters.

Renjun brings his knees up and hugs them, watching engagingly as Jisung attempts the pose again. “You’re a tree enough as it is.”

This time Jisung’s hands are clapped above his head. “I read how useful yoga is last night. Apparently it’s amazing for your body. A bit like vegetables, but with enlightenment. And I thought, why not?”

Jisung wobbles again and Renjun can already see that yoga is something Jisung probably won’t keep up in the long run because he knows Jisung doesn’t have the patience for it. Even right now it’s clear that Jisung is frustrated. Renjun doesn’t say anything about it, just sits and watches. He likes watching Jisung try out all his weird stuff.

“So you had an epiphany about yoga late at night?” Renjun muses. The next immediate thought is of course Jisung would. Why wouldn’t he? Renjun only wonders how deep into the internet did Jisung dive to suddenly be motivated to wake up early, something he rarely does, and decide that he’ll meditate himself into a tree. “Why couldn’t you have an epiphany about washing the dishes or like, doing laundry? You would be surprised but they’re very useful too.”

Jisung relaxes from his tree pose and stretches his arms behind his back. He shoots Renjun a look. “You’re so weird, hyung.”

Oh, _he’s_ the weird one. Renjun scoffs. He watches as Jisung plops down onto his mat and scrolls through his phone to find more yoga poses. Renjun reaches over to ruffle Jisung’s hair just to mess with him. Jisung crinkles his nose but doesn’t bat Renjun’s hand away. 

Renjun recalls seeing a poster on a yoga class for couples while on the way to school a few days ago. He wonders if Jisung would be interested and nonchalantly suggests it just in case Jisung does get serious about this yoga thing (he doubts it). Jisung could try it out together with Jeno. If Jeno was up for a museum date, Renjun’s sure Jeno would be up for a yoga one as well. It’s also reassuring in the sense that there’ll be someone to watch over Jisung and ensure that all his bones remain intact as he bends his body into weird forms. 

Jisung, however, looks at Renjun like Renjun has just said the most ridiculous thing he’s ever heard. 

“Are you trying to traumatise me?” Jisung says, sounding scarred. “I’d rather go for all my morning lectures than go to a couple yoga session with Jeno hyung.”

It’s a reaction Renjun hadn’t expected and he’s puzzled as to why Jisung is so repelled by the idea. He blinks confusedly at Jisung and Jisung stares back at him with an equally confused face. Jisung’s expression breaks first and his face changes into a grimace. He groans.

“Jeno hyung told you he was my boyfriend, didn’t he?”

Renjun is rendered even more confused. Jisung is quick to explain.

He sighs. “Jeno hyung has this habit of introducing himself as my boyfriend so that people don’t try anything.. funny.” 

Renjun learns that it started as a thing Jeno does whenever he senses Jisung isn’t comfortable with the people that he’s with. The first time it happened was when Jeno brought Jisung to his very first bar outing. It happened a few more times after that on different occasions. It’s a nice gesture - Jisung knows he can rely on Jeno when he finds that he can’t control the situation he’s in. Although Jeno usually only does it when Jisung gives him the signal to, Jeno’s developed the habit of doing it voluntarily even when Jisung doesn’t need it. Jisung is thankful needless to say, but it can get annoying at times, especially when Jisung is trying to show interest in someone. More often than not, Jeno ends up spoiling things for him.

Renjun takes it as a brotherly protection on Jeno’s part - to veer away anyone giving Jisung a hard time. It stings Renjun a little to think that he’s one of them. He tries to understand, he knows Jeno’s only acting this way because Jeno had practically watched Jisung grow up. It makes him feel a little better to know that Jeno only did it because he was being cautious. That, and the fact that Jisung is currently assuring him that he isn’t uncomfortable with him in any way. It’s cute, the way Jisung insists repeatedly that he likes his company. 

Jisung explains that Jeno had probably said what he did out of habit, or simply to mess with him and he seems to firmly believe that it’s more of the latter. Jeno does it for Chenle too apparently and Chenle hates it as much as Jisung does.

Renjun hums as he listens to Jisung. He rests his elbow on the armrest, chin in his palm as he watches over Jisung on the mat. 

“So what you’re saying is that you and Jeno are not in a relationship?”

Jisung gives a look of disgust. “I’d rather have only morning lectures for the rest of my college life than be in a relationship with him. Gross.” Jisung shivers at the possibility and dismisses it quickly. Sitting on his mat, Jisung stretches his arms over his legs. It seems that his yoga session is coming to a quick end. 

“And there are no more boys who will come introducing themselves as your boyfriend?”

Jisung looks up at Renjun, amused. He gives a cheeky grin and winks. “I’m single, if that’s what you’re asking.”

Renjun reaches over the armrest of the couch and pushes Jisung’s head down. “Brat. I wasn’t trying to flirt with you.”

Jisung rubs the back of his neck with a scowl. “Maybe you should give it a try.”

Renjun scoffs incredulously and tells him to stop spouting nonsense. Jisung gets up and Renjun makes space for him to perch on the armrest of the couch. Renjun pats Jisung’s thigh as a simple gesture to show that he thinks Jisung did well on his first try at yoga. Jisung smiles proudly as he looks down at Renjun. 

“Do you want oatmeal for breakfast? I’ll make them for you.” 

Renjun is impressed by the offer but he’s a little skeptical. It sounds too good to be true. Renjun squints at him. “Do you even know how?”

Jisung takes a moment to ponder. He smiles abashedly and raises a finger to correct himself. “Do you want oatmeal for breakfast? I’ll watch you make them for us.”

Renjun glares at him but it’s without bite. Jisung pouts and he’s a devil for doing so because Renjun rarely rejects him when he does it and he knows it. Renjun sighs resignedly, sweeps his hand down Jisung’s cheek and pats it. He tilts his head to the kitchen. “You’re lucky I’m such a nice roommate.”

Jisung grins and eagerly pulls Renjun off the couch. Renjun laughs as he gets dragged to the kitchen. He had been planning on making them oatmeal the moment he woke up anyway.

—-

Mark and Donghyuck are sitting on the steps of the engineering building waiting for Renjun so that they can all go to the cafeteria and eat. Renjun’s been waiting for Jisung for ten minutes now and for the past three minutes, he had given up sitting with them, too anxious to be sitting patiently. He paces back and forth, occasionally lifting his head from his phone to scan the distance ahead for Jisung’s presence. All the waiting is eating into their break and the longer they wait, the less time they have to eat. They have about twenty minutes left before they have to rush for their next class. It’s not a core module but it’s mandatory and attendance contributes ten percent so they don’t have much of a choice.

Renjun’s waiting for Jisung to deliver his laptop because he had forgotten to bring it with him. Thankfully Jisung hadn’t left for his class yet when Renjun had called him. Renjun doesn’t usually forget his things but he had spent the whole night rushing for a deadline (he had mistaken the deadline for a later date) and his brain is still trying to catch up with what’s happening, so he’s not functioning at his best. 

Donghyuck and Mark have their heads leaned against each other as they wait with empty stomachs for Jisung’s arrival. They’re slowly draining out of energy and they’ve secretly made a pact to ditch Renjun if Jisung doesn’t arrive in five minutes. Thankfully, Jisung arrives before the five minutes are up. He comes at a run and Renjun runs the short distance between them to meet him halfway, relief painted across his face.

“I think they look good together,” Donghyuck muses, watching the two. Jisung’s fingers fumble as he tries to unzip his bag as quickly as possible. His cheeks are rosy from running and he’s chuckling awkwardly while he tries to get Renjun’s laptop out of his bag. Renjun bites his lip and laughs along and it’s interesting to watch as worry fades from Renjun’s face bit by bit. 

“This is one of the rare times I have to agree with you,” Mark replies. “He’s not up for grabs though.”

“Shame,” Donghyuck lets out. They watch as Renjun and Jisung talk relaxedly now that Renjun has his laptop in his arms. They can’t hear anything, obviously, but both Jisung and Renjun are smiling and they seem so engrossed with each other that anyone would feel uncomfortable to interrupt. “I mean Jisung is definitely not anything like Renjun but they kind of, connect? They don’t match yet they do.”

“I guess so? It makes sense… but I don’t know, I can’t think. All I know is that if they don’t stop talking, I will kill them both because I am _starving_.”

Their conversation thankfully seems to come to an end from how Renjun tilts his head to Mark’s and Donghyuck’s direction and takes a step back. It looks reluctant and the sentiment is reflected on both their faces. Renjun ruffles Jisung’s bangs before they part. Jisung’s face warms with a smile and he touches Renjun’s elbow gingerly before he slides it down Renjun’s forearm. Renjun pats Jisung’s shoulder, says something which makes Jisung laugh and then Jisung’s jogging away. Renjun turns around and jogs to where Mark and Donghyuck are. 

Mark questions the banana resting on top of Renjun’s laptop case. 

“He gave it to me just in case I had to skip lunch.”

Mark and Donghyuck look at each other, say nothing and briskly enter the building. Renjun struggles to keep up with their pace all the while trying to ensure his banana stays in place.

“What?” Renjun asks suspiciously as they make a quick walk to the cafeteria. They have to rush since they only have fifteen minutes left. That should be enough time for them to decimate a sandwich or two.

“Nothing. I just think it would be nice if I too received a banana from my very cute, helpful roommate who smiles wider every time I smile at him,” Donghyuck states nonchalantly, avoiding bumping into people as he power-walks. “Is all I’m saying.”

Donghyuck and Mark manage a fist-bump in the crowd.

“You’re both ridiculous,” Renjun says, unbothered.

“What’s ridiculous is the way he actually bends down to let you mess up his hair. He _lets_ you do it,” Mark voices. “If Jisung wasn’t already taken, I’d say there might be something hopeful here.”

Right, Renjun had forgotten that Mark still thinks Jisung is seeing someone. 

“About that. He’s actually not taken,” Renjun speaks, clearing the misunderstanding. He quickly adds, “but that doesn’t mean _anything_.”

Mark looks surprised. “They broke up?”

“No, I was mistaken. He told me he isn’t dating anyone.”

“Oh?” Mark asks interestedly.

“What’s with that tone? And that face?” Donghyuck questions, looking between Mark and Renjun as all of them grab a bunch of pre-packed sandwiches and head towards the cashier. He looks at Renjun scrutinizingly. “Does Mark know something I don’t?”

“No.” Renjun shoves Mark’s chest to tell him to quit whatever it is he’s insinuating with his eyebrows. “I swear you two are practically one mind in two bodies. Mark’s just being dumb as usual.”

Donghyuck scowls. “That’s just saying that I’m as dumb as him.”

Unsurprisingly, an argument between Mark and Donghyuck promptly ensues. Renjun lets them be, at least they’ve left him out of it. He tunes them out and eats his banana instead. 

—-

Renjun sits on his bed, back against the headboard and laptop resting in his lap. Mark’s here too to help him with the coding assignment that he’s been having trouble with. It isn’t due till a week later but coding is not his thing and he hates nothing more than leaving something to the last minute. Fortunately for him, Mark’s a whiz at it and they’re both suddenly free due to a cancelled tutorial class. Renjun hadn’t hesitated to take advantage of it, together with the bribe of snacks and good wifi, to ask Mark over for help. The truth is he’d been feeling a little homesick too and Mark had probably sensed it, which was likely the reason why Mark agreed easily. 

That had been two hours ago and they’re still stuck with the assignment. The good thing is that Renjun’s homesickness becomes less blaring when he’s focused on his work. Having a comfortable presence with him also makes him feel better. As much as he appreciates Mark’s company, he knows that Mark is probably exhausted and frustrated from helping him. But he refuses to give up on the assignment.

Mark’s lying on his front, propped up on his elbows, body turned in a way that allows him to peer at Renjun’s laptop screen. Renjun watches as Mark scans through his work before he pulls Renjun’s laptop closer to look at it more carefully. He lets out a tired sigh that wakes guilt in Renjun’s stomach, yet Mark is patient when he explains everything for Renjun again. 

“It’s really not that hard,” Mark groans, planting his face down onto Renjun’s pillow when they’ve finally cracked through the torturous assignment after another half an hour.

“Easy for you to say. We’re not all geeks like you,” Renjun retorts, closing his laptop and stretching to put it away on the table beside his bed. He’s relieved that he’s finally done with the assignment but he’ll have to look through it again tomorrow just to be sure that he truly understood everything. 

“Says the nerd,” Mark hurls in response.

“To the other.”

After a momentary silence, Mark asks quietly, “How are you feeling?” 

Renjun appreciates his concern. “Better, now that I know how much my best friend cares for me.”

Mark makes an indecipherable noise. Renjun takes in Mark’s exhausted form on his bed and pats his head placatingly. Mark looks like he’s about to fall asleep anytime with how his head is buried into the pillow. Renjun feels bad that Mark had to bear with his coding struggle for three whole hours. He decides to offer pizza, on him.

“Can’t,” Mark sighs, turning on his side to face Renjun. Renjun is surprised by Mark’s rejection at the offer of free food. “I promised Yukhei I’d help him with stuff.”

Renjun stops petting Mark’s hair and makes it a point to look at him. He narrows his eyes. “Stuff?”

Mark waves a vague hand into the air. “You know, the assignment, maybe grab dinner afterwards.” Mark shrugs. “Stuff.”

Mark has been talking about Yukhei on and off for the past few weeks now. Renjun had his suspicions and it looks like he wasn’t entirely wrong. He smiles obnoxiously. “Is _stuff_ code for date now?”

Mark rolls his eyes. “You don’t have the right to tease me. When was the last time you went on a date?”

Renjun hates it whenever this topic comes up. He hates Mark for knowing that fact and still using it to win over him. Renjun knows he doesn’t go out much compared to his friends. He’s had crushes and been on dates before, but it’s not a lot - his friends can probably recount every date he’s been on. Besides, he’s not desperate. He’s cool with whatever’s going on in his life now. 

Mark and Donghyuck often tell him he has the soul of a seventy-year-old because of his lifestyle - his boring routines and how much he doesn’t get out of the house. It’s not like he avoids human interaction - he does go to parties, hang out after classes and during weekends. He has a social life. It’s just not as vibrant as most people’s.

He steals Mark’s glasses just to annoy him. Mark flails uselessly. “I don’t have anyone I want to go on a date with,” Renjun replies nonchalantly. He puts the glasses on and scans around the room, watching how everything turns into a blur. Mark’s eyesight is terrible.

“Doesn’t mean no one wants to go on a date with you,” Mark retorts. He clings onto Renjun’s arm and pulls himself up to take his glasses back.

“Who’d want to?”

“Renjun,” Mark deadpans. It’s clear they’ve been down this path before. “Shut the hell up.”

Renjun dodges Mark’s persistent attempts and pushes Mark’s head away. Mark makes a noise which he ignores. He holds the glasses securely on his face so Mark can’t steal it. “I can’t think of anyone who would want to anyway.” 

“Bullshit. I’m sure there are plenty of people out there who would want to.”

Renjun pauses in his movements to ponder. Mark is quick to make use of that short interval to get his glasses back. However Renjun’s reflexes are fast and he makes it difficult for Mark in retaliation for bringing this whole topic up. The topic makes Renjun’s insecurities reappear, even if he’d gotten over them a long time ago. He knows Mark hadn’t meant to make him feel insecure again. He doesn’t dwell on it, not when Mark starts protesting and they end up bickering and laughing at each other’s pathetic attempts to get a hold of the glasses. At the end of it they both come out with disheveled hair and rumpled shirts. Renjun finally relents and returns the glasses to Mark. And because he feels sorry, he helps to tame Mark’s unkempt hair.

A knock sounds on the door. Renjun eyes Mark and scolds him for making too much noise and waking Jisung up. Mark scoffs but it carries no harm because he’s fixing the little tufts of hair that’s sticking out on Renjun’s head. Renjun voices for Jisung to come in.

The door opens and as expected, Jisung looks like he’d just woken up. Jisung has one hand on the doorknob, the other rubbing his eyes sleepily. “Hyung, I’m hungry. Let’s-” He stops midway and blinks, just registering that Renjun isn’t alone in the room. He looks at Renjun, then at Mark and unconsciously takes a step back. Renjun gives him a puzzled glance for his incomplete sentence. Mark is entirely turned to Renjun and he has to throw his head back to look at Jisung. When he turns back to Renjun again, he has a wicked smile that Renjun doesn’t like. Mark raises his eyebrows suggestively while the smile remains on his face and he combs through Renjun’s hair one last time. He turns around to face the door and cocks his head to tell Jisung it’s okay to come in. 

Jisung quietly questions if he’s interrupted something. Renjun widens his eyes, now only understanding Jisung’s hesitant manner while Mark simply laughs delightedly and assures Jisung of his doubts. Jisung looks a little cautious but he steps inside the room and lingers about near the door.

Mark swings his legs to the side of the bed. “I was about to leave anyway. Renjun’s all yours to take.”

Renjun sits slumped against the headboard, watches as Mark moves to leave. “Shoo, go on your date and don’t tell me about it.”

Mark shoots him a harmless glare. He’s about to stand and make a move but he catches Jisung’s eyes on him. He pauses thoughtfully.

“Say Jisung,” Mark calls out to him. “Would you mind doing stuff with Renjun?”

Jisung blinks. “What?” 

Renjun ducks his head down and groans. He mutters, “I swear to god, Lee Minhyung.”

“Hypothetically speaking,” Mark presses, looking intently at Jisung. Jisung looks slightly alarmed at the abrupt question but he collects himself quickly. He stands idly in front of Renjun’s door, in his worn-out tee, hands resting in the pockets of his shorts. He quirks his eyebrow, waiting for Mark to continue. Mark does. “Or not hypothetically speaking, whichever you prefer. Would you consider spending time with Renjun because you find him interesting?”

“Like…” Jisung drawls, asking for more context.

Renjun exhales loudly through his nose. “Please just ignore him, Jisung.”

“Like,” Mark tries again, persistent. Mark puts his palms on his thighs and looks straight at Jisung. “Would you want to go on a date with him?”

Renjun closes his eyes, embarrassment already burning through his chest. He is going to kill Mark. “Jisung you don’t have to-”

“Oh, a date. Sure, why not?” Jisung answers casually. 

_Why not? What does that even mean?_

Renjun opens his eyes and dares a glance in Jisung’s direction to try and read him. Jisung’s looking only at Mark and he shrugs, nonchalant. “Renjun hyung’s fun. He doesn’t judge me and he knows all the food I like and don’t like.”

Jisung shifts his gaze to Renjun and Renjun tries to hide that he’d been staring curiously at his face. Something unfurls in his chest and the strange feeling makes his stomach squirm.

“That’s one point to me,” Mark quips.

“Jisung doesn’t count.”

Jisung furrows his brows. “What are we-”

“Nothing,” Renjun grits out, casting a warning glance at Mark. He says it with such firmness that it stops Jisung from saying anything else yet fuels Mark’s smugness. 

Mark grins. “It’s good news, Jun. Treat it like one.”

Renjun decides he’s had enough of Mark for the day. He kicks Mark off his bed and tells Mark to get lost before he steals Yukhei away for dinner first. Mark leaves but not before flipping Renjun off.

When Mark’s gone, Jisung pads over to Renjun’s bed and invites himself to sprawl over Renjun’s legs. He lies horizontally, his arms and legs flopping over the edges of the bed. Renjun gets reminded of those large, fluffy dogs that are blissfully unaware of their size. He scratches Jisung’s scalp and Jisung relaxes at the feel of it. _Such a puppy._

“Does Mark hyung like Yukhei hyung?” Jisung asks, his head snuggled into Renjun’s bedsheets. His voice comes out muffled but Renjun manages to decipher it.

“Enough to ditch his best friend and free food apparently.”

Jisung says something in response but Renjun has to ask him to repeat because he can’t make it out this time around. Jisung lifts his head away from the mattress to look at Renjun. His hair covers his eyes as he does so and Renjun gets the feeling Jisung had meant for his eyes to be hidden.

“I asked if you are sad,” Jisung mumbles.

The question is unexpected and Renjun doesn’t quite understand it. Is Jisung asking him if he’s sad that Mark’s gone? Or is it because he looks sad? Renjun pulls his hand back into his own lap. He tilts his head. 

“Why would I be sad?”

Jisung bites his lips. He looks at Renjun pensively before eventually muttering a vague, “Nothing, just checking to make sure.” Renjun doesn’t prod further. Jisung’s demeanour shifts after that and the slight uncertainty painted across his face fades away. Jisung sits up and Renjun crosses his legs to make room for him. Jisung keeps looking at him with an unreadable gaze and Renjun doesn’t know how to comprehend the expression on Jisung’s face. 

“That’s my shirt,” Jisung points out suddenly. “You’re wearing my shirt.”

Renjun knows. Their clean laundry pile was a mountain when he came home and he reasoned he might as well grab a shirt from there to change into to reduce the amount of laundry they have to do. So he had swiped a shirt from the pile and put on the first shirt he grabbed, which turned out to be Jisung’s. He would have rummaged for his own shirt if not for Mark whining for the wifi password because he had accidentally removed Renjun’s wifi network from his phone. Renjun had slipped on Jisung’s shirt quickly before tending to Mark’s incessant whining. He hadn’t thought Jisung would mind.

“Sorry, I was trying to be quick and grabbed your shirt in a hurry. I didn’t mean to. I won’t do it again.”

“No, it’s fine. I don’t mind, it’s just that,” Jisung says, eyes shifting somewhere to the right of Renjun’s face. Jisung reaches out and suddenly Jisung’s fingers are on his shoulder, _bare_ shoulder, and the contact startles him. Jisung’s fingers are cold and the softness of his touch dances over his skin. He doesn’t know why but it makes his heart skitter unnecessarily. Jisung carefully pulls the collar that has fallen off Renjun’s shoulder up to cover the exposed skin and he holds the fabric down. Jisung’s eyes are an intense quiet and calm. “It’s a little big on you. It had already slipped off when I came in.” 

Jisung retracts back his hand. Renjun flushes. He pictures himself in Jisung’s eyes when Jisung had entered his room earlier. Messy hair, crinkled shirt falling off his shoulder. Mark in front of him in the same disheveled appearance, combing through his hair… Renjun’s cheeks heat up. He recalls Jisung’s hesitant manner and hopes Jisung hadn’t misread the situation. 

He’s extremely self-aware now when he looks at Jisung and it feels ridiculous but he can’t help it. “Thanks,” he mutters, hand consciously coming up to keep the shirt in place over his shoulder. He laughs weakly. “Remind me not to wear your shirts again.”

Jisung shrugs. “I really don’t mind.”

Renjun tries to read Jisung’s face but he finds nothing there. “Okay,” Renjun exhales at last, tries to will away the squirming in his stomach. He steers them to another topic. “You said you were hungry?”

Jisung hugs his stomach and fakes a pained expression. “Starving.”

They order pizza while still on Renjun’s bed and once they’re done, Renjun ushers them out to do the laundry while waiting for the pizza to arrive. Jisung complains and makes an abrupt declaration of not wearing clothes in the apartment from tomorrow onwards. Before Jisung can start arguing about liberation and freedom of choice which Renjun predicts he will, Renjun puts him in a headlock and drags him out. He grabs the hamper placed between their rooms containing their clean laundry and brings it to the living room, all the while nagging at Jisung about decency and mutual consideration. Renjun doesn’t miss Jisung’s wince when he starts on how Jisung could live with a bit more discipline and how they can start with not letting the laundry pile up. Jisung concedes just to stop Renjun from nagging his ear off. They end up folding their laundry together on the living room couch.

Forward an hour later, both of them are settled on the couch, a half-empty large-sized pizza box on the coffee table. They’re watching a documentary on stingrays that Jisung has been hooked on for the past weeks. Jisung had given up on his yoga adventures, deciding to stick to just his vegetables to keep his body healthy. Jisung is definitely more invested in his stingray phase than his yoga one, that much Renjun can tell from looking at his bright eyes glued to the TV. Every once in a while, Jisung would make comments related to the documentary. He’d go ‘ _hyung did you know that stingrays are closely related to sharks?_ ’ And Renjun will say, no, he didn’t. Or he would say something like ‘ _Isn’t it cool how their eyes are on top and their mouths below?_ ’ And Renjun would agree because he does find it cool. Sometimes Jisung would just sigh wistfully, going, ‘ _Oh to be a stingray hiding in the sand of the sea floor, hyung. That is the dream_.’

Renjun takes it all in stride, listens fondly and enjoys the documentary together with him. It is an interesting documentary and Renjun gets to learn facts about stingrays he’s sure he doesn’t need. He asks Jisung questions too, which Jisung tries his best to answer but Renjun can tell that half of the time he’s making up the answers as he goes. It’s adorable to see him want to appear as if he knows everything about stingrays. 

The documentary is long, supposedly spanning a length of two hours. They’re only forty-five minutes in when Renjun feels a weight pressing on his shoulder. He glances sideways and sees Jisung’s head snuggled comfortably into his neck, Jisung’s hair tickling his cheek. He reaches carefully for the remote control and lowers the volume of the TV. He doesn’t turn it off just in case Jisung wakes up and wants to watch it again. Jisung’s whined about him doing that before. Renjun watches the rise and fall of Jisung’s chest and contemplates between letting Jisung sleep or waking him up. He decides to wait five minutes, watches Jisung sleep in that time before he taps Jisung’s thigh gently.

“Sung,” Renjun says quietly. “Jisung, you should sleep in your room.”

Jisung stirs at Renjun’s voice but he’s barely awake. Eyes still closed, Jisung whines softly and burrows his head further into the crook of Renjun’s neck. He breathes in deeply and exhales and Renjun waits for him to wake. Unfortunately, all Jisung does is readjust his head on Renjun’s shoulder and drifts back to sleep. 

Renjun is left amused. He knows if he continues to let Jisung sleep like this, he’ll have to stay in this position till morning and end up with a stiff neck. But Jisung looks so comfy and at peace, Renjun is reluctant to destroy the serenity of it all. He makes a resolve eventually. Mustering more courage than necessary, he softly calls Jisung’s name again. Jisung doesn’t respond. One try is all it takes for Renjun to decide not to try another time. He uses his arm that isn’t acting as Jisung’s pillow to push Jisung’s hair away from his face. He runs his fingers through Jisung’s hair tenderly, soft strands falling along his fingers as he does so. Jisung’s hair has gotten long, the longest it has ever probably been and Renjun often sees Jisung’s fringe poking into his eyes. Renjun thinks it must be uncomfortable but Jisung had mentioned that he likes looking through his bangs like that. Renjun remembers thinking Jisung must be the only one who does. 

Renjun scratches Jisung’s scalp gently and Jisung stirs again, making soft indecipherable noises. He whines what Renjun believes is a hyung and snuggles closer, practically nosing Renjun’s neck. It evokes something in Renjun’s stomach but he pays it no mind. He laughs quietly instead, bringing his hand down to Jisung’s thigh. 

“Sleep on your bed, your body will be sore tomorrow if you sleep like this.”

Jisung whines again and Renjun pats his thigh to get him moving. Jisung stops Renjun’s hand with his own, securing Renjun’s hand firmly over his thigh. “Five minutes,” he mumbles. “Five minutes, then I’ll go.”

Renjun doesn’t think he can trust Jisung’s words but he gives Jisung the benefit of doubt. Jisung doesn’t let go of his hand, holds it like that while he chases a few more minutes of sleep. Renjun doesn’t pull away either, doesn’t see the need to. Jisung’s palm surrounds his wholly because Jisung’s hand is that much bigger but the warmth of it spreads all the way to his chest. It’s pleasant and nice and Renjun lets their hands be, eventually feeling Jisung’s grip slacken when Jisung falls asleep again. 

Renjun sits and waits the five minutes, sometimes watching the TV but mostly focusing on Jisung’s steady breathing and Jisung’s fingers loosely resting over his. Five minutes goes by fast. Renjun turns to a sleeping Jisung, convincing himself to work up the courage to wake Jisung again. It becomes ten minutes while he internally struggles and it easily stretches to thirty minutes of him watching Jisung sleep. He sighs and gives up eventually, resignedly accepting his fate of a stiff neck and sore body. He slides his hand free from beneath Jisung’s and places it on top instead. He mindlessly thumbs Jisung’s hand, barely registers Jisung’s content hum and slowly, his eyes start to close.

When he stirs awake, Jisung has moved to the other end of the couch with his head resting on the armrest and his long limbs stretched everywhere. The time shows four in the morning and the TV is still on, a documentary on elephants now plays on the screen. Renjun carefully pries himself free of Jisung’s legs and gets up. He stretches his body and switches the TV off. He retrieves Jisung’s pillow and blanket from Jisung’s room and returns to the couch. He lifts Jisung’s head gingerly and slides the pillow underneath before draping the blanket over Jisung’s long body. 

Renjun makes his way to his room to catch a few more hours of sleep before he has to wake up for his morning class. When he wakes, his body thankfully doesn’t feel too sore and he prepares for class quietly since Jisung is still asleep on the couch. 

He’s halfway through his morning class when he receives a text from Jisung thanking him for the pillow and blanket. Jisung follows up the text with some photos of cute stingrays hiding in the seabed. They’re accompanied with the caption _‘I slept feeling like this! Thank you for helping me fulfil my dream!_ ’ Renjun has no idea what that feels like but Jisung sounds so adorable that it draws a stupid smile on his face. He schools his expression and mouths an offended _what_ when Donghyuck catches him and gives him a questioning look. 

—-

_Huang Renjun its 3 a.m. go tf to sleep_

_Youre gonna ace it anyway_

_And we’ll hate you for it_

Renjun types his reply.

_I hate you too_

_You go tf to sleep_

_See you tmr_

_I mean later_

Donghyuck’s reply comes quickly.

_Youre the reason im not sleeping_

_Idiot_

_See you <3_

Renjun stretches his arms and his back and slumps back into his chair. He has midterms in a few hours and he had just gone through a final round of revision. He had a few questions which thankfully Donghyuck was still awake to answer (either that or he woke Donghyuck up). Renjun packs his papers and tidies up his study table when he hears abrupt noises from outside. He glances at his door and notices light seeping in. He wonders what Park Jisung is up to in the wee hours of the morning. 

Renjun ventures out of his room quietly and follows the sounds coming from the kitchen. Standing before the kitchen, hands crossed in front of his chest, he quietly observes a sleepy-looking Park Jisung seated on the kitchen tiles, back against the lower cabinet shelves, a bowl of something nestled in his lap. He doesn’t register Renjun’s presence, not until Renjun lets out a purposeful cough. It’s only then Jisung looks up, spoon in his mouth. His eyes curve and he gives a bashful smile, muttering out a _hyung_. 

Renjun laughs and Jisung pats the space beside him for Renjun to sit. Renjun obliges and settles next to him. Renjun brings his knees up and hugs them, chin resting atop his kneecaps as he peers over to see the content of Jisung’s bowl. He is only able to make out what seems like floating pieces in a brown liquid. He has no idea what Jisung is eating, only that Jisung seems to be enjoying it.

“What are you doing on the floor? We have perfectly functioning stools, Sung.”

Jisung takes the spoon out of his mouth. “The stools are cold. The floor’s warmer.” He takes another bite of his mysterious meal and belatedly realises he should have offered Renjun some. “Do you want some cereal?”

Is that what Jisung’s eating? So the floating pieces are cornflakes… but why is the liquid brown? Unless… 

“Is that chocolate milk?” Renjun chokes out.

“Yeah?”

“Sung,” Renjun says in disbelief. “Who eats cornflakes with chocolate milk?”

“What do you mean?” Jisung asks, surprised. “Plenty of people do this. It’s the best combination ever!”

Renjun starts laughing and he thinks Jisung is joking but Jisung looks serious. Renjun blinks at him. “You’re serious?”

“What do you mean- you’ve never tried?” Jisung looks at him in shock. When Renjun shakes his head no as an answer, Jisung gasps and leaves his bowl on the floor, getting up immediately. 

“I’m getting you a bowl.”

Jisung is acting as if Renjun’s committed a crime and he won’t rest easy until Renjun has tried it himself. Renjun protests, claims he’s fine not trying but Jisung will not hear him out. Renjun laughs at the incredulity of it all and whines for Jisung to listen to him. “Sung, I don’t even like cereal-”

“You’ll love this.”

Renjun sighs despairingly. “Why can’t I just have a taste of yours?”

“Because that’s mine! As much as I like you hyung, my cereal is my cereal. Besides, it’ll taste so good you’ll want a bowl to yourself.”

Renjun doubts it, considering he doesn’t even like cereal in the first place. But Jisung is already in motion, taking the cornflakes out from the top cabinet and pouring it into a bowl. Renjun knows it’s no use stopping him. All he can do is to tell Jisung not to add in too much. Jisung goes to the fridge, takes out the carton of chocolate milk and as he pours the milk into the bowl, he stares Renjun dead in the eyes.

Renjun scoffs at his antics and accepts the bowl when Jisung comes back to sit beside him again. He waits for Renjun to take a bite. Renjun complies, takes a hesitant spoonful of cornflakes drowned in chocolate milk into his mouth and chews. It literally just tastes like cornflakes, which he doesn’t like, and chocolate milk, which doesn’t go well with it.

“I don’t know…” Renjun says. He sees the anticipation on Jisung’s face and settles on, “I guess they’re alright.” Jisung takes it as a compliment because he beams and starts digging into his own cereal again. It’s not horrible, or at least that’s what Renjun tells himself as he takes another bite. It gets better the longer he chews because the flavour thankfully fades. 

Jisung questions Renjun why he’s awake at this timing because they both know Renjun’s usually asleep by now. Renjun tells him he has midterms in a few hours and Jisung makes a face. 

“It’s just midterms. You don’t have to work so hard.”

That’s what a lot of people say but the truth is Renjun doesn’t know how to study any other way. This is just how he’s been doing it all his life. Besides, it makes him feel more assured when he revises up till a few hours before the test because it feels like he has everything stored in his brain. It makes him feel prepared.

“But I want to do well,” Renjun says simply. “Why aren’t you sleeping?”

“Because I was hungry.”

“No,” Renjun drawls, giving him a knowing look. “You were hungry because you weren’t sleeping. Why weren’t you?”

Jisung takes another bite and chews slowly. After he swallows, he says, “Did you know stingrays live between fifteen to twenty-five years?”

Which translates to Renjun as Jisung staying up late watching stingray videos again. Renjun’s so attuned to Jisung’s quirkiness that he barely bats an eyelash at how Jisung had chosen to answer his question. He doesn’t really question any of the stuff Jisung does. He chuckles under his breath, reaches out to caress Jisung’s cheek then pats it, as how he always does. “You’re so weird, you know that?”

Jisung hums quietly, ducking his head down. Murmuring, he says, “You know, people used to say that about me all the time when I was younger.”

Jisung uses his hair to hide away his eyes and Renjun can tell he’s being conscious about the way Renjun is perceiving him. It startles Renjun to see Jisung acting this way because Jisung rarely takes any of his jokes to heart. He hadn’t meant to make it sound like a bad thing by calling Jisung weird. He flusters and tries to rectify the situation.

“Sung, I wasn’t - I didn’t mean to offend you. You’re not weird, Sung. I don’t think you’re weird.”

Jisung looks at Renjun through his overgrown fringe, a bashful smile on his lips. “You literally just said I was. And let’s face it, I am pretty weird.”

“But I never mean it in a bad way, you know that.” Renjun urges. “Sung, you know that, right?”

Jisung nods assuringly. “It’s not bad when it’s coming from you, or Jeno hyung or Chenle. You guys brag about it like it’s my winning trait.” He laughs quietly. “But for a large part of my childhood, the kids around me… they weren’t very nice. And I guess it just stuck, the ‘trauma’ of it all.” Jisung uses his fingers to put air-quotations at the word.

Strangely enough, Renjun knows what Jisung is talking about. To have grown out of something but have days where you still feel the bitter aftertaste of the hurt you’ve felt during your childhood. It’s something Renjun comes to learn that can’t be helped, it’s there even if he’d convinced himself he’s over the things he’d experienced when he was younger. Some days, the bitterness is stronger and lingers and makes him feel unsure about himself. It fades eventually but even if it does, it doesn’t truly disappear. Renjun thinks it serves as a remnant of the past, as something that will always follow no matter how much time passes.

“Does it still bother you? I won’t call you that anymore if you don’t like it.”

“No, it’s fine. We were just kids back then. We hurt each other without really realising. I’m over it now.”

Renjun gives him an encouraging smile. He bumps into Jisung’s shoulder. “If it makes you feel any better, people used to say I was weird too. Gave me strange looks, talk behind my back in school,” he shares nonchalantly.

Jisung looks at him, surprised. “Really? You? But why would they?”

Renjun chuckles and gives Jisung a playful smile. _Wouldn’t you like to know?_ Jisung pouts and that easily, Renjun gives in.

“Well, for starters, no kid actually chooses to do homework over practically everything else. They don’t volunteer to do boring school stuff after class. Normal kids don’t wake up early unless they have a reason to and they don’t really think about college until it stares them right in the face. But I think you can see for yourself that I wasn’t like that. I… had my own thing going on.” He laughs. “I’ve been this ‘goody-two-shoes’ or ‘perfectionist’ my whole life. I was different and the other kids didn’t like that because they couldn’t understand me. They were really creative with what they had to say about me. Very colourful words, the whole spectrum.”

Jisung’s eyebrows furrow together. “They sound like jerks. That’s not very nice of them.”

No, it wasn’t. It was the reason Renjun felt insecure in the earlier part of his teenage years. People mock him and whisper about him and it got to him so bad once that he thought he would grow old lonely. He thought no one would want to be with him and he would never experience what love feels like. He was young and easily affected by the way people talked about him. He believed people would be deterred away by how different, or in their words, weird, he was. He genuinely had a rough time but he’s completely over that phase now. Now it only makes him laugh whenever he thinks about it. He’s met people who liked him sincerely and found friends who accepted him for himself. Even when he flew to another country for college, he made friends with people who took him in with all his weird tendencies. Mark and Donghyuck are truly friends he would never trade anything for. 

But once in a while the bitter aftertaste is still there, sometimes he still gets surprised when anyone shows any sort of interest in him. He knows it’s stupid and he’s had his fair share of genuine relationships but sometimes- sometimes he feels that way. Sometimes he thinks people only want to make use of him. These thoughts happen only once in a while however and most days he remembers that he has plenty of people around him who loves him and accepts his boring, weird habits and lifestyle. It helps him embrace himself as wholly as they embrace him. 

“You’re right, it wasn’t nice. Sometimes they take advantage of my ‘robotic’ side to trick me into doing things for them. It hurt and I started hating myself for that. But I realised this is me. I didn’t think I should change myself for them. Besides, my friends liked me fine the way I was and respected it. They still do. That’s all that matters.”

“Do you miss your friends back home a lot?”

Renjun smiles. “More than I’d like to admit. I get homesick too sometimes but I have Mark and Donghyuck here to make me feel better.” Renjun sees how Jisung looks at him expectantly. He laughs. “Okay, and you too.”

“You’re really not all that special anyway compared to me,” Jisung jokes and bumps into Renjun’s shoulder when Renjun gives him a playful glare. Jisung hums, taking in Renjun’s words appreciatively. “And I do too, hyung. I like you just like this.”

Even if spoken casually, Jisung’s words comfort him to know that Jisung doesn’t see him as like how people generally do. He sees Renjun not as some defectless robot, but just as another person with as many flaws as strengths. He appreciates it a lot. He gives Jisung a warm smile. 

“Thank you. This is just how I am,” Renjun puts his hand on Jisung’s jaw and tilts his face up. “And this is just how you are. You’re weird,” he tickles under Jisung’s chin and Jisung crinkles his nose. Renjun smiles and shrugs, “But I think it’s perfect.”

Jisung’s eyes shine, silent and bright. “Kind of like you?”

It takes Renjun by surprise and he laughs. He eyes the bowl in his lap. “Kind of like your monster of a cereal here.”

—-

It’s Friday. Renjun’s just ended his last midterms and he’s making his way out of the lecture theatre with Mark and Donghyuck. They’ve planned on getting chicken and beer to celebrate both the end of their papers and the end of the week. They’re in high spirits now that they’re finally liberated from the dread of looming papers and sleepless nights. They’re being a noisy bunch, as how they usually are together. Donghyuck is trying helplessly to stop Renjun and Mark from discussing any more of the paper. It’s a futile attempt because Renjun and Mark are telepathic when it comes to riling him up. Renjun’s scaring Donghyuck about accidentally skipping a nonexistent question at the back of the paper while avoiding Donghyuck’s smack to his arm when he spots Jisung up ahead.

Jisung’s leaning against a pillar, his earphones plugged in. He’s dressed in a soft pink sweater and skinny black jeans, paired together with his go-to mismatched Converse high-tops. The sleeves of his sweater swallow his palms and the way his long black hair falls gently over his eyes makes him look extra cozy. Renjun’s first thought would be that he looks notably nice, except that the sweater has a backstory that Renjun will never not find ridiculous. All he can think of while he looks at Jisung now is the fact that Jisung had been crying over that sweater being missing for weeks, only for them to find it behind the couch a couple of days ago. The colour of Jisung’s cheeks had matched the sweater when they found it. 

Jisung has a drink in one hand and is scrolling through his phone with the other. He looks up in time to catch Renjun’s gaze on him. He sends Renjun a smile and lifts his back off the pillar as Renjun approaches. Mark and Donghyuck spot him too and the amusement they have at seeing him is shared. Mark elbows Renjun’s side subtly which Renjun intentionally ignores.

Jisung removes his earphones, hangs them round his neck.

“Jisung,” Renjun calls out warmly. 

Jisung looks happy to see him. “Sup, hyung.”

“Hey, Jisung,” Donghyuck greets. “Haven’t seen you in a while.”

“Midterms and shit,” Jisung supplies with an easy smile. “How was your last paper?”

Donghyuck shrugs indifferently. He side-eyes Mark and Renjun. “Might have missed a question but might just have shitty friends.” 

“It was worth fifteen marks,” Mark informs him convincingly and doubt starts to colour Donghyuck’s face again. No one answers Donghyuck when he asks for confirmation. Instead, Mark suppresses a laugh at the secret smile Renjun sends him and turns to Jisung. “How was yours?”

“Ended yesterday. I’ve actually already forgotten all about it.” Jisung grins, like it’s something he’s proud of.

Renjun can’t help thinking how on brand it is of him. Renjun scoffs harmlessly and steals back Jisung’s attention. “What are you doing here?” 

Renjun knows for a fact that Jisung doesn’t have afternoon classes on Fridays - he’s always home whenever Renjun comes back from his Friday classes. Usually at this timing, Jisung would be cooped up in his room gaming or sleeping. Sometimes he’d be waiting for Renjun to come home to eat together.

“I got you this,” Jisung says, handing the drink in his hand over to Renjun. It’s Renjun’s favourite lemonade drink from the cafe in the business building, a ten minutes’ walk down slope from here, which inadvertently means a ten minute hike from there to get here. It catches Renjun by surprise so it only comes naturally when he asks teasingly if there was a motive behind it. Jisung doesn’t take offence but simply shrugs, says he was passing by and had thought of him.

Renjun ignores the stupid smiles on Mark’s and Donghyuck’s faces. 

“Are you guys going anywhere?” Jisung asks, knowing they might have plans now that they’re done with midterms.

Renjun holds the drink carefully with both his hands, still feeling touched and grateful that Jisung had gotten it for him. “Yeah, we were just on the way to-”

“Chill at one of our places,” Mark interjects so smoothly and easily that Renjun would have bought it if he hadn’t known it was a lie. 

The lie catches him off-guard and he doesn’t understand the reason for it. Renjun hadn’t think either Mark or Donghyuck would be uncomfortable at the idea of him asking Jisung to join them, which he was just about to do. It doesn’t make sense that they wouldn’t want Jisung to join. He knows for a fact that they’re chill about Jisung.

Renjun gives Mark a curious look.

“Yeah, we’re not really in the mood to do anything much,” Donghyuck adds after glancing at Mark, which addles Renjun even further.

That was not the plan. What happened to chicken and beer? They’ve been talking about it since last week. Renjun doesn’t like that he’s been put out of the loop and he definitely doesn’t like how the corners of Donghyuck’s lips twitch, begging to release a smile when their eyes meet. 

Jisung nods at Donghyuck’s reply and looks only at Renjun even though he’s addressing all of them. “If you don’t have plans, do you mind if I steal Renjun hyung away?”

“Please,” Donghyuck insists. “He could use some time outside of the apartment after being cooped up with his notes for so long.”

He stares at Donghyuck, hard. “I _thought_ we were going to go-”

“We’ll see you Monday,” Mark states with an air of finality that Renjun finds outrageous. Mark pulls Donghyuck away before Renjun can tug any of them back. He finally understands what they’re doing after he catches Mark’s wink for him behind Jisung’s back. It leaves him speechless yet it amazes him how they had caught on to Jisung’s intentions way before Jisung had even mentioned it. He stares at their traitorous backs and adds another reason to the mental list he’s compiling of validating their murders.

That leaves him with Jisung, who’s waiting patiently for him and for some reason, looks very cheery. Renjun’s grateful for the bright energy that’s bouncing off of him. He deems all thoughts of his friends worthless and chooses to focus on Jisung. Jisung is watching him through his hair and he knows Jisung is committed to growing his hair out; he has no problems with it except that it always makes it difficult for him to see Jisung’s eyes with all that hair in the way. He uses his index finger to push some of it to the side. There, better. 

He meets Jisung’s eyes steadily. “Park Jisung. What exactly is going on?”

“Nothing,” Jisung says innocently, swinging his head to sweep most of his bangs away. He tugs Renjun’s elbow forward to start them walking. Renjun follows the motion but narrows his eyes at Jisung as he takes a sip of his drink. 

“I just wanted to bring you somewhere,” Jisung explains. “It’ll be fun, I promise.”

Renjun offers his drink to Jisung, which Jisung declines. He takes another sip before pressing his lips into a thin line. “You can’t just kidnap me out of nowhere, you know. What if I was busy? You know I hardly do anything on a whim. You should have told me so I know what to expect.”

“You weren’t supposed to expect anything, hyung,” Jisung mumbles with a sigh. “This was supposed to be a surprise.”

Renjun blinks. A surprise?

Jisung eyes him pointedly. “You can’t expect me to go, ‘ _hyung, are you free for a surprise on Friday? Yes, please book it into your schedule_.’ That would defeat the whole purpose, hyung.”

Renjun frowns. 

Jisung bumps into him intentionally, gentle. “I swear I won’t bring you any harm. All you have to do is let loose. Don’t you trust me?” Jisung asks, He takes a thoughtful pause. “But If it bothers you that much, we can head back home. We don’t have to go anywhere if you don’t want to.”

But Renjun does trust Jisung and he feels instantly bad for reacting the way he did when all Jisung wanted to do was surprise him. He’s absolutely pleased by the gesture and he regrets not telling Jisung as much - all he did was complain about how much Jisung had caught him unguarded. He feels like an unappreciative jerk. It’s true he isn’t used to doing things right off the bat but he realises his reaction must have stung Jisung, even if a little. 

“No, I’m sorry,” he quickly apologises. “I really like that you did this for me. I just don’t like being unprepared, that’s all. But I love the surprise, Sung. I really do.”

“You don’t even know where we’re going.”

That is true. But so are his words. “It doesn’t matter. I trust you. But if it does suck, Park Jisung, let me warn you, you’re taking on laundry on your own for a whole month.”

Jisung grins. “Deal.”

In hindsight, Renjun should have seen this coming. Of course they’re at the aquarium. He should have known that Jisung’s stingray phase would inevitably lead to a visit here. He just hadn’t expected Jisung to bring him along.

Being at the aquarium makes Renjun realise he hasn’t been to one in so long. The last time he visited one was probably when he was nine, which was more than a decade ago. Renjun thinks there’s a stark difference going to the aquarium as a kid and as an adult. For one, everything seems less huge - the octopuses aren’t as scary as he remembers and most of the attractions here aren’t as magical to him as they used to be. It doesn’t necessarily mean he likes it any less, he still enjoys it all the same. Visiting the aquarium again a decade later allows him to discover another charm of it he hadn’t expected. As an adult, he appreciates the absorbing quietness and alluring calmness the serenity and blue around him bring. 

It must be different for him than it is for Jisung because he can see clearly that the magic still has an effect on Jisung. Jisung ogles at everything like he’s been enchanted, fascinated by everything around him to no end. Jisung reads all of the information panels they pass by and Renjun slows down on purpose, lets Jisung run ahead with excitement charging through his body. He hangs back and watches Jisung marvel at every sea creature he sees. When Jisung eventually realises Renjun isn’t walking with him anymore, he turns around looking a little lost. Renjun sees Jisung scanning through groups of people and he waits for Jisung to spot him. When Jisung does, he smiles sheepishly, embarrassed that he had been too eager to realise he had left Renjun behind. He waits for Renjun to catch up and when Renjun does, he pulls Renjun’s arm and drags him excitedly to see the squids. 

They see the jellyfishes and penguins too. They also walk underneath a curved glass dome where they take lots of pictures, trying to time them with whenever a school of fish swims by. They manage to find the stingrays - the highlight of their trip going by the grin on Jisung’s face. Here, the glass extends from the floor to the ceiling and spans so wide that it seems to go on forever. There are children seated on the carpeted floor with their hands splayed on the glass, marvelling at the aquatic life behind it. Jisung and Renjun decide to sit down too, about a few metres in front of the glass, granting them a pretty view of the contained marine life. Jisung sits with his knees up while Renjun’s legs are stretched out in front. They absorb the view quietly and when a stingray or two swim close by, Renjun chooses to watch Jisung instead. Jisung’s eyes are bright and sparkly and he looks so at ease that it makes Renjun’s chest bloom with warmth and contentment simply by watching him.

“They’re so cool, don’t you think?” Jisung murmurs, eyes following the movement of the stingrays.

Renjun tears his eyes away from Jisung to observe them gliding past. “Yeah. They have this electro- what was it? Electroreceptors? To detect their prey instead of using their eyes.”

Jisung turns to him, eyes curious. “Yeah, they do. But how did you know that?”

It takes Renjun a moment to remember how that piece of information had gotten stored in his brain. All the stingray trivia he knows are either because Jisung had told him or because he had watched the documentary with Jisung. He remembers it now.

“The other day, when you fell asleep on the couch, remember? I watched most of the documentary while you slept.” 

He had only continued watching it because Jisung was asleep on his shoulder and he was unable to move anywhere else. 

Jisung’s eyes shine with surprise and mischief. “You know, they’re going to air the next season soon, if you’re interested.”

Renjun rolls his eyes and shoves him. “It’s only because of you I know all these things. I only watch it because you watch it.”

“You’re very welcome,” Jisung sings, laughing when Renjun scowls at him. He leans into Renjun’s body to try appease him. He hums contently and rests his head on Renjun’s shoulder. Renjun finds himself conscious of his breathing.

“I hope you had a great time today. I didn’t want to waste your time.”

“I had fun,” Renjun assures him. Jisung looks relieved and he leans away from Renjun, and Renjun realises he wouldn’t mind if Jisung had leaned a little longer. Jisung places his arms behind him, weight balanced on his palms and stretches out his legs, knocking them into Renjun’s.

“When was the last time you did something spontaneous like this?”

Renjun thinks about it. He doesn’t think he’s ever made a spontaneous trip anywhere. Even a trip to the convenience store he would plan an hour before. “I’ve... never, I don’t think,” he confesses. “But I’m glad I did this. Thank you for letting me experience what it’s like to ‘live a little’.”

Jisung laughs because an impromptu trip to the aquarium hardly counts as ‘living a little’ but they both know for Renjun it might as well be the same as taking a step on the moon. 

“That’s good. Because believe it or not, it’s the first time in a long while I actually planned for something. Which means we both tried something different today.” 

Renjun stares at him because he doesn’t believe him at all.

Jisung is dead serious. “I bought the tickets on Monday.”

“ _No_.”

Jisung smiles to himself, proud. “I did. I thought it would be a nice thing to do for you when I saw how much you were pushing yourself. Thought you deserved a break. And I also needed a friend to come here with, so it’s like stabbing two potatoes with one stick.”

Renjun barks out a laugh. “It’s killing two birds with one stone, Sung.”

Jisung crinkles his nose in detest. “I don’t want to kill any birds.”

Renjun shakes his head because Jisung is just being Jisung. And that’s why if it hadn’t come out of Jisung’s mouth that he had planned this surprise, Renjun wouldn’t have believed it. The fact that Jisung bought the tickets days ago implies that he might have had this trip in mind for even longer. The thought of it touches Renjun greatly because Renjun knows for a fact that Jisung doesn’t even plan his meals until his stomach grumbles telling him he’s hungry. But Jisung had planned this for him because he felt that Renjun deserved it. His stomach flips and twists.

“What if I had plans or didn’t want to go?” Renjun speaks up, his heart picking up speed without him realising, his eyes watching Jisung’s face carefully.

“Well, there was only one way to find out, wasn’t there?” Jisung sends him an easy smile. He looks away, hair falling into his face and hiding his eyes. “Besides, you never say no to me.”

That’s something new Renjun learns about himself.

Something sears in his chest, quick, and then it fades, simmering like a gentle candle flame.

Renjun pulls his gaze away, stares into the blue in front of him and silences all the thoughts in his head and the hammering in his chest. 

Before they leave, Jisung drags Renjun to the gift shop to have a little look-see and possibly get a souvenir for himself. And by getting one for himself, it means pleading Renjun to buy a stingray plushie for him. Jisung tugs Renjun’s arm and pouts his lethal pout, but Renjun perseveres because he knows that this will just be another phase that will pass and he doesn’t want to spend his limited cash on something that will end up under Jisung’s bed.

“Jisung, you don’t need that.” Renjun says, plucking the plushie out of Jisung’s grasp and puts it back on the shelf. Jisung gasps, immediately grabs it again.

“I need it,” Jisung emphasises. “Please please please please please-”

“Why don’t you buy it yourself?”

“It’ll go beyond my budget for the month.”

Renjun stares at him incredulously. “What about my budget?”

Jisung sighs, puts the plushie on the shelf dejectedly. It instantaneously makes Renjun guilty even if he knows the plushie will only last a whole month, max, on Jisung’s bed.

Renjun knows everything here fascinates Jisung and brings out the inner kid in him. And because Renjun feels guilty for the sad expression on Jisung’s face, he indulges in Jisung’s desire to marvel at every little thing in the shop before they leave.

“We can look around a little more, but that’s all okay? No buying.”

Fortunately, Jisung perks up at the suggestion. His eyes light up and he asks Renjun to follow him because he had caught a glimpse of a cute shark-shaped night light earlier. 

They’re walking down the aisle between mugs and marine life themed pyjamas when Jisung suddenly freezes and Renjun almost bumps into his back if he hadn’t stopped himself in time. Jisung turns on his heels to face Renjun, his face completely erased of his gleeful expression. The split-second change is worrying and Renjun wonders what happened to have caused it.

“Let’s go, I think I’m done looking.”

Renjun takes in Jisung’s panicked manner. “Are you sure? We haven’t even reached the night light section-”

Jisung nods his head fervently and there’s something desperate about it. He wraps his hand around Renjun’s wrist but the grip is firm, edging on pleading. Renjun looks down at their hands and back up to Jisung’s eyes. 

“Sung,” he says carefully, concerned. “What’s wrong?”

Jisung gulps and Renjun has never seen Jisung like this before. He steps forward, their chests only inches apart and he positions his head above Jisung’s shoulder to make it easier for Jisung to whisper to him. 

Jisung manages to understand his gesture. “There’s someone here I really want to avoid,” he says lowly, urgency dancing with his words. “After we leave, I’ll explain everything-”

“Jisung?” An unfamiliar voice.

Jisung hangs his head down and Renjun can tell that something’s off. Renjun looks forward to match a face to the voice and he sees a tall guy with handsome features and thick brown hair walking in their direction.

Renjun whispers discreetly into Jisung’s ear. “Who’s that?”

“Jaemin hyung. He keeps on bothering me and asking me to go out with him,” Jisung explains quickly and quietly. “It gets annoying sometimes.” Jisung lets out a sigh before turning round to stand beside Renjun, taking in Jaemin’s approaching form. When their eyes meet, Jaemin beams but Renjun can tell it’s not a fairly mutual sentiment.

Jaemin walks with a sort of ease and confidence that makes Renjun dislike him from the get-go. Renjun doesn’t like the smile he sends Jisung nor the grimace on Jisung’s face that Jisung tries to school either.

Renjun doesn’t know what prompts him to do it but he improvises on the spot. He perches both his palms on Jisung’s shoulder, leans closer to Jisung’s ear causing Jisung to flinch, but Renjun holds him in place. If Jisung thought he had wanted to kiss his cheek, then he’s already succeeded halfway. Trying to make it look as intimate as can be, Renjun presses closer, feels strands of Jisung’s hair grazing his face. He whispers into Jisung’s ear. 

“Put your hand on my waist.”

Jisung startles at the statement, tries to look at him but Renjun doesn’t let Jisung move because he doesn’t know how long this bout of courage is going to last.

“Now,” he hisses and Jisung doesn’t flinch this time, he does as he’s told.

Jisung’s palm comes to rest at his waist but his eyes are hesitant. It’s as new for him as it is for Renjun. Quietly, Jisung murmurs, “What are you doing?”

“Saving your ass,” Renjun says in a hush before turning around to prepare himself to meet whoever Jaemin is. 

He can’t believe he’s actually doing this.

“Jisung,” Jaemin says again, friendly, when he’s in front of them. “I didn’t expect to see you here.”

“Hyung,” Jisung replies. “I didn’t think I’d see you here either.”

Jaemin scans Renjun briefly, his eyes lingering on Jisung’s hand on his waist then offers a polite smile. He looks at Jisung. “Who is this? Is he the reason why you’ve been rejecting all my invites?”

“Hyung, please,” Jisung says, almost whiningly.

“I’m just curious, Ji.”

“Renjun,” Renjun offers a hand along with a smile. Jaemin shakes it. 

“Jaemin,” he provides. He smiles with all his teeth. And then as if he had just remembered something, he does a quick double-take. “Wait, Renjun as in your roommate?” Jaemin turns to look at Jisung again, surprise splashed on his face. 

“Yes,” Jisung says, strained. He manages a quick glance at Renjun before he returns his gaze to Jaemin again. Something flashes in Jisung’s eyes, too quick for Renjun to read. “The one I told you about.”

Renjun listens to their conversation curiously, having some trouble understanding without much context for him to base it on. But when Jaemin interestedly asks if they’re boyfriends, Renjun finds his chance to jump in.

Jisung makes an embarrassed noise at the back of his throat at the question and Renjun lets out what he hopes is a shy laugh. “Yeah,” Renjun confirms before Jisung can say anything else, smiling up to him with a clear message in his eyes. He presses closer to Jisung’s side and Jisung’s grip on his waist tightens naturally as he does so. For that fleeting moment, Renjun gets a taste of the kind of boyfriend Jisung would be.

The proximity of their faces is not something they’ve experienced before, never this close, and the distance or rather lack of makes Renjun flush. Renjun thinks this is definitely going into the top three most embarrassing things he’s done in his life. He just hopes the flush of his cheeks makes the lie even more believable. 

“It’s nice to finally meet you. Jisung’s only ever mentioned you as his roommate. I didn’t know you two are together.”

Renjun tears his gaze away from Jisung, conscious of Jisung’s eyes on him as he does so, and laughs. “That’s how it all started.”

“You should have told me,” Jaemin says and the tips of his ears turn a little red. “I feel like a fool now. If I had known, I wouldn’t have bugged you so much.”

For all the confidence Jaemin displays, it seems like he has a tender heart. Renjun almost feels sorry for tricking him, but Jisung had looked uncomfortable at his appearance and he never likes seeing Jisung that way. If Jaemin was bothering Jisung, he’s not going to just sit back and watch.

“Sorry, that’s partly my fault. I wanted to keep things low for a while but we’re okay now,” Renjun says and just to prove his point, he laces his fingers together with Jisung’s that are wrapped around his waist. Renjun has never been so bold yet embarrassed of himself and the longer Jisung’s stare continues to linger on his face, the more desperately he wants to perish. The only good news is that Jaemin seems to buy what Renjun’s trying to sell.

“If that’s the case, we should go on a double date!”

Renjun’s ears perk up. Hold on. _Double date?_

“Uh… I don’t know, hyung,” Jisung replies quickly. He meets Renjun’s eyes fleetingly and there’s a look of helplessness that Renjun detects. Renjun’s head starts to spin. His gut is telling him that something’s off. 

“Renjun hyung’s quite busy with school. I even had to drag him here today.”

“We can plan it on his free day! And I’m sure Yangyang wouldn’t mind either. Speaking of the devil.” Jaemin tiptoes and waves. A pleasant-looking guy comes and joins them. He slides next to Jaemin and when Jaemin stretches his palm out, the guy takes it and naturally intertwines their fingers together.

Renjun turns sharply to Jisung and stares. Hard. “Yangyang,” Renjun says looking into Jisung’s eyes with a promise of death, then turns to look at Jaemin and Yangyang again. “Your boyfriend, right?”

Jaemin grins and nods. He quickly explains to Yangyang the situation. Yangyang beams and says he’s down for it and before Renjun knows it, they’ve set up a date in a week’s time. 

Renjun takes it all in, his head whirling faster than that one time an amusement ride made him terribly sick. He has half the mind to murder Jisung and half the mind to kill himself. When Jaemin and Yangyang take their leave, Renjun turns to Jisung and demands heatedly, “What the hell was that?”

“What the hell was that?” Jisung repeats with incredulity. “ _You’re_ asking _me_ what the hell was that?”

“Oh my god,” Renjun groans, hiding his face behind his palms. It was his idea to pretend to be Jisung’s boyfriend. “I thought Jaemin was making you uncomfortable since you said he asks you out all the time-”

“As a third-wheel!”

Renjun throws his hands in the air. “How was I supposed to know! I thought he was trying to make a move on you!”

“He’s my cousin!”

Renjun gapes. “You didn’t think to tell me that from the start?”

“You started doing all that before I could even say anything!”

Renjun groans again. They’re starting to attract attention with how loud they’re being. Renjun massages his temples and calms himself down. He asks Jisung to explain everything from the start. What Renjun understands now is this: Jaemin is Jisung’s overly caring cousin who’s worried about him not venturing out of his comfort zone enough. Because he dotes on Jisung, he often stubbornly persuades Jisung to join in on his dates with Yangyang to make him get out and try new things, meet new people.

Jisung looks at Renjun apologetically, tells him that there wasn’t a need for him to go out of his way to have done what he did but he had appreciated it just as much. Jisung even has the nerve to smile after, as if pleased at what Renjun had done for him. Renjun wonders if his misery is that pleasing to see.

Renjun pulls at his own face. There’s nothing that can be undone now. He sighs. “I just thought- because you mentioned Jeno does it for you all the time- I thought- I wanted to protect you. But that was a stupid idea. I feel so stupid.”

Jisung lets out a laugh without meaning to. “It was kind of stupid, wasn’t it?”

Jisung seems to increasingly find the whole situation ridiculous and he’s bending over in laughter before he knows it. Renjun smacks him in horror because this isn’t funny, he has a ‘date’ with Jisung next Friday and he’s too embarrassed to allow Jisung explain to Jaemin the actual truth. Jisung doesn’t stop laughing even when Renjun demands him to. Renjun can’t believe his audacity but the sight of Jisung tearing and cracking up makes Renjun realise how ridiculous the situation is and he breaks into a laugh as well. It’s one of those laughs where he can’t stop once he starts and he whines for Jisung to stop because Jisung’s laughter only makes him laugh harder. He blindly reaches out to hit Jisung again to make him stop laughing, please, tears squeezing out from the corners of his eyes. Jisung recovers first, takes in deep breaths and chuckles under his breath while Renjun tries and fails to recover.

“Hyung,” Jisung wheezes. He swallows and calls Renjun again. “Hyung, you really are so stupid. Come here.”

Jisung tugs Renjun’s arm and Renjun stumbles, stomach weakened by laughter but Jisung steadies him easily. Jisung cups his face and uses his sleeve to pat away the tears that are running down the side of Renjun’s face. 

Renjun takes deep breaths, bursts into giggles when he meets Jisung’s eyes again and tries to collect himself. When he’s no longer laughing, Jisung smiles at him, brushes his thumb over his cheekbone. Flutters erupts in his stomach.

Renjun swallows and shifts his eyes away. Convinced that he won’t break out in another fit of laughter, he shoves Jisung’s shoulder lightly. “I hate you so much.”

“You can’t hate your _boyfriend_ , hyung.”

“You. Are. Such. A. Brat,” Renjun hisses and misses Jisung’s arm when Jisung dodges his attack. Jisung smiles cheekily and Renjun thinks it ridiculous that he’s still endeared by it given the state of situation. He reaches out to mess up Jisung’s hair because Jisung deserves it and in that split second before his hand touches Jisung’s head, Renjun sees it. The way Jisung ducks his head down to Renjun’s level, eyes scrunched, bracing himself for the moment. Nothing about him screams resistance, permission clear in his gentle manner. 

Renjun’s hand falters and his mind is reeled back to that day, his mind re-registering the words Mark had uttered then with a new kind of weight. Jisung cracks an eye open when Renjun’s hand comes a beat late. Renjun quickly gives Jisung a harmless reprimanding look as he ruffles up Jisung’s hair half-heartedly. There’s a weight lodged in his chest. He takes in a breath and brings his hand down to his side. 

He wonders why he hadn’t noticed it all this while, wonders if there’s any meaning wondering about it.

Jisung combs through his own hair to even it out. He notices Renjun’s sudden silence and deems it because of the whole fiasco. He must feel guilty because he says, “Hyung, I’m sorry.”

Renjun grounds himself back. He shakes his head to reassure Jisung. There’s nothing for Jisung to feel sorry about. “It’s fine. It’s not your fault. We’ll think of something when we get back.”

Just before they leave the store, Jisung lingers and tries his luck one more time. “Hyung, can we take one last look at the dolls?” Renjun already knows what it means if they do, he also knows what his answer will be.

At the end of the day, Jisung goes home happily with a stingray plushie he names Lana (‘ _because Lana del Rey, hyung. Ray and Rey, get it?’ ‘Sung, do not make me ask for a refund’_ ) and Renjun’s going to have to eat instant food for at least two weeks straight to make up for the cost. But when he glances a look at Jisung, he knows he doesn’t regret it.

—-

Donghyuck is howling with laughter while Mark is quiet but he’s not any better because the smile on his face is telling. He’s so smug and it only gives more reasons for Renjun to validate his murder.

They’re over at Mark’s dorm, a cozy cubic space where he stays alone, making his place the go-to whenever they need an emergency gathering. Donghyuck’s dorm is out of question since he has a roommate who’s studying all the time and they can’t go to Renjun’s apartment because the topic of the hour involves Jisung. However judging by the varsity jacket hanging on Mark’s chair with Yukhei’s name printed across the back, it looks like they may need to find a new rendezvous point soon, but that’s a matter for another day. Today the focus is on Renjun’s dilemma - the source of his stress, and apparently the new-found source of entertainment for Mark and Donghyuck.

Donghyuck tames down his laughing and wipes a stray tear down his cheek. He clutches his stomach weakly, taking in a breath to calm himself. “So what you’re saying is that the aquarium date wasn’t a date but you came out of it with one next week?” 

Renjun gives Donghyuck a death stare because he is not repeating himself for Donghyuck’s enjoyment. Donghyuck’s lips twitch, begging to release another bout of laughter but Renjun glares at him, daring him to breathe out even a single giggle.

“You’re such a jerk for enjoying this,” Renjun bites. His neck and cheeks burn from embarrassment. He knew telling his friends was a bad idea but he needed someone to rant to because he needs a solution. He had told them all about the trip to the aquarium and the incident involving Jaemin, and going by their faces, they’ve never heard anything more humorous.

After the visit to the aquarium, Renjun and Jisung had discussed and they had agreed to go on the double date because Renjun can’t bear Jaemin knowing the embarrassing truth. But the idea of a fake date stresses Renjun out and makes him anxious because he’s bad at lying and he knows he’d do horribly. The burst of confidence he had to convince Jaemin he was Jisung’s boyfriend was a feat in itself. The resultant effect of that confidence now is him feeling helpless and also extremely sorry to Jisung for putting him in this situation. 

“Just date him for real! What’s the problem?” Mark suggests, as if it’s the most logical thing to do.

It’s the dumbest thing to do in Renjun’s opinion because it doesn’t make any sense and he conveys that exactly to Mark. 

“We don’t like each other like that,” Renjun reminds him.

Mark raises an eyebrow challengingly. “You think he’s cute.”

“And hot,” Donghyuck adds.

“Ignoring all of that,” Renjun says flatly, not wanting to give his friends more things to tease him about. He should be allowed at least a tiny piece of pride to hold on to. He shrugs. “We’re just roommates who get along well, that’s all. It’s not unheard of.”

Both Mark and Donghyuck scoff. Renjun doesn’t appreciate it at all.

Mark glances to Donghyuck the same time Donghyuck looks at him. Mark’s sitting in his study chair at the end of the bed because Donghyuck had claimed territorial rights over the bed. Renjun sits on the floor watching them both. They share the same look on their faces. Donghyuck shakes his head adamantly, points his chin in Renjun’s direction. Mark returns Donghyuck’s gesture with a glare before pressing his lips into a straight line. He turns to Renjun, his face serious.

“Jun, you know it’s possible and extremely normal for people to like you, right?”

Renjun feels like he’s on a carousel, going round yet always ending up at the same place - at the same topic no matter how many times they’ve been through it. Granted, it’s not something that can be completely overcome at once. He thinks he’s moved on but the truth is that it is a process, and he knows that. His friends, from the way the conversation is going, knows that too.

“Guys, you know that I’m over-”

“We know,” Mark cuts in. “We know. But we want to remind you that you don’t have to be afraid of accepting the fact that people can like you for your true self. If Jisung really likes you, I have no doubts to think that he is being sincere.”

Renjun’s stomach squirms. He has Mark’s pillow in his arms and he clutches it tighter. “I know,” Renjun says because he does - Jisung treats him well. Jisung isn’t mean to him at all. Sure, Jisung makes fun of him sometimes but that’s all there is to it - he doesn’t do it to offend Renjun and he always makes Renjun laugh after. “But Jisung doesn't like me. He’s just nice. It’s because I spoil him, that’s why.”

“You do,” Donghyuck speaks this time. “But why do you?”

The question throws him off more than he had expected. Why does he spoil Jisung? He’s never thought about it, he just does. But if he really must think of a reason, it’s simple - it’s because it’s Jisung. That’s it. There’s no trick or hidden meaning behind it. He spoils Jisung because that is what he wants to do whenever Jisung is around. 

Donghyuck looks at him, pensive. “I think you think the same way we do, don’t you? You think he likes you too.”

Renjun hesitates. “I don’t.”

“Yes, you do,” Mark insists firmly. He hates it when Mark becomes all wise and mature. “You think Jisung might like you and you’re growing fond of him too.”

It’s a large statement to take in, a statement that triggers flashes of memories inside his head. Jisung’s hand over his, Jisung’s smile when he catches him snacking at three in the morning, Jisung shyly caressing his cheeks. He thinks about it and - all those don’t necessarily mean anything, do they? It just shows that Jisung’s comfortable around him. It doesn’t have to mean anything deeper. Everything has always been easy between them; conversations, food, school, favours. 

But then he thinks of his heart racing when Jisung looked at him the time he wore Jisung’s shirt, or that time when Jisung fell asleep against him or that time when Jisung’s hand was on his waist, gentle, considerate.

Renjun groans, hiding his face into the pillow that he’s hugging. There’s simply too many thoughts buzzing around in his head. He squeezes his eyes shut, takes in deep breaths to quiet his mind. 

It’s scary how the past doesn’t really stay behind, it follows you and chooses to appear during your vulnerable moments. Renjun had his fair share of being deceived and outcast. Jisung would never deceive him- _no, Jisung would never do that to you. He’d never make use of you, don’t you trust him?_ He repeats that in his head but he can’t help the sliver of doubt, the tiny what ifs that niggles at the back of his mind.

“I don’t know. I’m still,” he breathes out. “I’m still figuring it out.” 

“Cute,” comes Donghyuck’s voice, less teasing and more empathetic and comforting. It’s his way of telling Renjun he understands how Renjun feels.

“But even _if_ I like him,” which Renjun still isn’t very certain about and he mentions it clearly to them, “and even _if_ he likes me, it’s not in that kind of way. I don’t think he likes me like that.”

Mark and Donghyuck look like they don’t buy it. But they don’t live with Jisung so they don’t know. The chances are very likely that Jisung doesn’t like him. Because Jisung is... Jisung is different. Jisung likes his cereal with chocolate milk, he likes learning about constellations just so he can differentiate stars from otherworldly messages. He doesn’t see the need to learn how to swim because he believes mermaids are real and they’ll help him if he ever drowns. He likes stingrays because they're cute, but it’s mostly because he’s intrigued how flat and strange they are compared to fishes. His benchmark for being considered an adult is when he is able to make his own ice-cream, gourmet-style. Jisung likes mismatched shoes, dreams of dyeing his hair neon green, gets obsessed over the concept of inception and wants to learn how to lucid dream. Jisung is wonderful in plenty of ways and he’s fascinated by the simplest to the strangest of things. His phases come and go in turns and that’s why Renjun thinks Jisung would never _like_ him. 

Renjun is just one of Jisung’s phases. 

He’s new, he’s nice to Jisung, he lets Jisung get away with things. He’s fascinating to Jisung for now but who knows how long before he moves on to something else. Someone else, and someone else permanently at that. Who knows if Jisung is actually making use of him without realising it himself.

“How do you know?” Mark voices.

“I just do.”

Donghyuck throws Mark’s old panda plushie albeit gently at Renjun to grab his attention. Renjun gives him a scowl first before showing Donghyuck that he’s listening.

“Jun, sorry to say this but you don’t. Jisung’s feelings are his own and we shouldn’t go around assuming what he’s feeling.”

“I just know that he-”

“Just promise me you’ll think about it?” Donghyuck presses.

“Fine, I’ll think about it. But guys please,” Renjun gives them a desperate look, trying to get back on the main topic. “The date. What do I do about the date?”

Donghyuck sits up straighter. “I say just go on that date as planned and tell Jaemin the truth.” Renjun groans at the idea which makes Donghyuck give him an exasperated look. “Or… god, I wasn’t going to be serious about this, but you could stage some cold war shit between the two of you and have Jisung inform Jaemin a few days later that you two broke it off.”

Renjun thinks Donghyuck comes up with a lot of bad ideas but he doesn’t know if it’s desperation that makes him actually consider Donghyuck’s plan. 

“I might just do that,” Renjun says with a sigh. “Thanks, Hyuck.”

“Or you can just date him for real.”

Renjun takes the panda plushie in his lap and throws it at Mark’s face.

—-

It’s the day. The day Renjun’s been dreading for a week. It’s Friday and Jisung and him are supposed to meet Jaemin and his boyfriend. They’ve come up with a plan on Renjun’s insistence and while waiting for Jisung to meet him on campus, he runs through the plan in his head. It’s fairly simple - all he has to do is not smile at Jisung so much and act disinterested whenever he talks. Despite the lack of action on his part, he feels nervous because he’s scared that he’ll screw it up and cause everything to snowball into a bigger mess. He really doesn’t want to ruin their plan, he even wore his nicer clothes to look presentable for the date. Now he’s starting to question if that’s counterproductive.

Renjun checks the time on his phone. It’s been fifteen minutes since the promised time he and Jisung were supposed to meet. Jisung’s been tardy a handful of times and Renjun is well aware of Jisung’s opinion on the concept of time in general so he waits patiently and sends Jisung a quick text. Another ten minutes pass with Renjun sitting alone at the bench outside his lecture theatre with no reply from Jisung. He wonders if Jisung had forgotten all about it. He decides to call him.

The line connects and the phone rings but it keeps on ringing to the point Renjun thinks Jisung isn’t going to pick up. Just as he is about to end the call, he hears a voice.

Except that it isn’t Jisung’s voice, it’s Chenle’s. And he sounds restless. 

Jisung is sick.

“Is he okay?” Renjun asks once Chenle’s explained to him Jisung’s situation. 

“No,” Chenle informs.

“No?” Renjun repeats, slightly alarmed.

Apparently it’s really bad - bad as in Jisung can’t even find the energy to get out of bed. Chenle explains that Jisung is the type to rarely fall sick but when he does, it’s horrible. Jisung, being the stubborn kid that he is, despises medicine and refuses to eat them which is why Chenle sounds very agitated and exhausted.

“I don’t want to put too much burden on you, but usually Jeno and I keep him company while he’s sick just to make sure he eats his meds. But Jeno’s at his job and I have to meet my prof in twenty minutes. Would it be okay if you-”

“Of course,” Renjun answers quickly, he doesn’t need to hear the rest of it to know Chenle’s request. He’s already shrugging his bag on and making a quick walk back to the apartment. “Do you need me to pick up any medicine from the pharmacy or-”

“No, no, everything is here. Thank you so much.”

Renjun tells him it’s nothing to thank him for and that he’ll be back in ten minutes. He jogs the way back and makes it to the apartment in record time.

He expects to see Chenle around but he doesn’t see Chenle’s shoes in the foyer. Chenle must have left.

Renjun abandons all his school things in the living room and walks down the hallway to Jisung’s room, worry clawing in his chest. Jisung’s door is closed and he wonders if Jisung is asleep. He knocks and waits. He doesn’t hear anything.

“Sung?” He tries again. “It’s me. Can I come in?”

Renjun waits. He hears a groan and then in a hoarse voice, “No.”

_No?_ Renjun’s worry only grows bigger. “I just want to check on you. It’ll be fast, I promise.”

Another groan. “Ugh, fine.”

Renjun turns the handle and enters the room carefully. As soon as he manages a glimpse of Jisung, he brings a palm up to cover his eyes.

“Jisung! Where are your pants!”

Jisung is just in his T-shirt and boxers. He even has the audacity to laugh although it sounds weak. “I did tell you not to come in. It was too hot. And it’s not like you’ve never seen me without pants, hyung. Stop acting so innocent.”

Fair point - he’s walked in on Jisung gaming without wearing pants a couple of times. He brings his hand down from his eyes, a harmless glare ready to greet Jisung. 

“I wore my best jacket for you today and I come home to you with no pants on.” 

It makes Jisung smile but it’s slightly strained and Renjun can only imagine how sore and weak Jisung must feel. Jisung shifts to give Renjun space on his bed as Renjun approaches him.

Jisung is lying on his back, his blanket kicked to the side and Renjun sees Lana the stingray sticking out from underneath Jisung’s arm. Jisung’s hair sticks to his forehead and he looks pale enough that Renjun’s chest squeezes, not used to seeing Jisung so low-energy for a change. He sees a bowl and small cloth at Jisung’s study table, which means Chenle had probably tried to cool him down. 

Renjun sits at the edge of Jisung’s bed and checks Jisung’s forehead with the back of his palm. He’s burning. The cloth on the table looks dried which means some time has passed since Chenle cooled him down. He’s thinking about getting a new cloth to cool Jisung with but just as he moves, Jisung grabs his wrist. Renjun looks down at him.

“You look pretty. I’m sorry about the date.”

It’s ridiculous that Jisung is putting Renjun first before himself even when he’s sick. “I asked Chenle to help me text Jaemin hyung that we couldn’t make it for the date. And I’m sorry I didn’t answer your texts, I could barely move my arms before Chenle came.”

Renjun shakes his head. “It’s fine. You’re sick, that’s nothing to apologise for. And don’t worry about the date, you and I both didn’t want to go anyway.”

Renjun brushes Jisung’s hair back, away from his face and Jisung closes his eyes at the feel of it. Renjun does it repeatedly, combing Jisung’s hair with his fingers. Renjun’s eyes wander to the plastic bag of pills beside the bowl on the table.

“Sung,” Renjun calls Jisung gently before he can drift off to sleep. “Sung, have you taken your medicine?”

“Yes,” Jisung mumbles. 

Renjun decides to trust his intuition and he gets off the bed to grab the pills. Warmly, he says, “I’ll ask you one more time, but because I trust you. You’re sure you’ve taken your meds?”

Jisung turns on his side and opens his eyes to watch Renjun pop three different pills into his palm. Renjun comes back to the side of the bed with the pills and a cup of water which Chenle had also placed on the table. Jisung’s lips turn down into a tiny pout. “No, I didn’t,” he mutters guiltily. “You trusted that I lied to you.”

“No,” Renjun says, sitting at the edge of Jisung’s bed again. “I trusted that you’d tell me the truth the second time, and you did. Here,” Renjun opens his palm displaying the pills for Jisung to take, his other hand offering the cup of water. 

Jisung scrunches his face. “I hate medicine.”

“I know you do,” Renjun says. He tilts his head, gives Jisung a small smile. “Do it for me?”

Jisung eyes him, reluctance evident in his eyes but he grudgingly sits up at last. He picks up the pills and swallows them one by one. Renjun thought it would take greater to make Jisung obey but he’s pleased that it didn’t, and maybe also a little pleased at the thought that Jisung did it for him.

Once Jisung’s taken all his medicine, Renjun ruffles his hair, tells him he did a good job and places the cup of water back to the table. He tells Jisung to rest while he goes to refill the bowl with water and get another cloth to help cool him down again.

When Renjun returns, Jisung’s eyes are closed and he’s quiet so Renjun assumes that he’s fallen asleep. He climbs up onto Jisung’s bed, wrings the cloth he brought with cool water and gently sponges Jisung’s forehead. Jisung’s temperature is a stark contrast to his and Jisung moans softly each time the cool cloth touches his hot skin. Renjun can only tell him to bear with it because it’ll help him feel better.

He dips the cloth in water and wrings it again, sponges Jisung a few more times before letting the cool towel rest on Jisung’s forehead. 

“I want a jacket,” Jisung mumbles, eyes still closed. Renjun’s surprised he’s not asleep yet. “Or a hoodie. My body’s cold.”

Renjun scans the room, sees a hoodie hanging on Jisung’s chair. He grabs it and tells Jisung to sit up, helping him put the hoodie on. Jisung lies back down and Renjun puts the cloth back on his forehead. Renjun stays by Jisung’s side, making himself comfortable with his back against the headboard.

“Do you want the blanket?”

“No, my legs are hot,” Jisung says and he cracks his eyes open to give Renjun a cheeky smile. Renjun scoffs out a laugh because it doesn’t make any sense how his upper body is cold but his lower half is hot. 

“My body is weird like that. I guess I’m just weird through and through.” Jisung mutters, smiling because he finds it funny. “Half hot, half cold. I feel like that Katy Perry song.”

Jisung half-sings and half-mumbles the chorus of the song and Renjun doesn’t know how Jisung still has the energy to joke around when he’s burning up. He shakes his head and runs his fingers through Jisung’s hair. Jisung laughs weakly at his own rendition of the song and once he’s done, his energy drops noticeably. The next moment has him closing his eyes and snuggling closer to Renjun’s thigh. Jisung’s cheek is warm on Renjun’s skin and Renjun’s chest tightens when he looks down at him.

Jisung is mumbling and Renjun has to strain to hear it. 

“I’m sorry. Every time I take drowsy medicine I just ramble till I sleep. And I tend to sleep-talk. It’s the absolute worst.”

Renjun laughs quietly. “I’ll record you and we can watch it together when you’re better.”

“You’re lying,” Jisung says cautiously.

“Am I?” Renjun teases. Jisung pouts and Renjun placates him by stroking through his hair gently. He thumbs Jisung’s cheek after a while, the heat from Jisung’s skin embracing his thumb. Jisung always looks so serene while he sleeps. 

He plays with the strands of Jisung’s bangs and just when he thinks Jisung has truly fallen asleep, Jisung lets out a content hum. He doesn’t know if it’s just Jisung sleep-talking. 

“I like it when you play with my hair,” Jisung mumbles, head still snuggled beside Renjun’s thigh. Renjun’s fingers linger above Jisung’s head at the sudden confession, slightly hesitant to stroke through his hair again. He knows, of course he knows Jisung likes it whenever he messes up his hair or cards his fingers through it. He just doesn’t know how to feel about Jisung admitting it to him - it’s like he’s been granted a power he doesn’t know what to do with. Jisung could be sleep-talking for all he knows and probably won’t remember it when he wakes up.

“Shall I do it a while longer?” Renjun asks quietly.

Jisung nods, so Renjun does.

Renjun leaves Jisung’s room when Jisung’s completely fallen asleep. He showers, changes into a simple shirt and loose cotton pants. He cooks up a simple porridge and makes himself a sandwich at the same time. He goes in and out of Jisung’s room every now and then to check on Jisung’s temperature. The medicine seem to be working because Jisung doesn’t burn as hot anymore. He’s doing another round of cooling Jisung down, the last he hopes since it looks like Jisung’s fever is going to break soon. When he’s done, he puts the bowl away and sits on Jisung’s bed, the lethargy from moving non-stop ever since he stepped into the apartment finally catching up to him. 

He takes in Jisung’s sleeping form, still finding it ridiculous that Jisung has a hoodie on yet with no pants. He stares at Jisung for a while. He plays with Jisung’s hair, just because, and he only realises he’s dozing when he catches himself nodding off. He tries to stay awake enough for it to register in his head that he should probably get off but he gets completely consumed by exhaustion at one point. He drifts off to sleep sitting on Jisung’s bed, his right hand resting loosely in Jisung’s hair.

When he wakes, he’s no longer leaning against the headboard. In fact his head is on top of Jisung’s arm and Jisung is watching him. _Oh god_.

“Jisung,” he croaks, lifting himself to get up and relieve Jisung’s arm from cramping but Jisung shakes his head and gently pushes him back down.

“Stay, you look tired.”

Renjun does feel tired so he stays. He tells Jisung to pull his arm away but Jisung tell him it’s fine. Jisung doesn’t tear his gaze away from Renjun all the while and he uses a finger to push Renjun’s hair out of his face. Renjun feels heat creep up the back of his neck.

Renjun clears his throat. “How are you feeling?”

“Better.”

“And your fever?” Renjun says, feeling Jisung’s forehead. JIsung’s temperature is thankfully back to normal.

“I think you did a good job chasing it away,” Jisung says, cheerful.

Renjun hums in reply and when neither of them say anything else, the quietness of the room takes over. Renjun is fine with the silence but he has trouble bearing Jisung’s gaze which hasn’t left his face since he woke up. Renjun breathes slowly hoping that it’ll trick his heart into keeping a calm rhythm. Staring at Jisung’s face like this, Renjun finds it easy for his thoughts to wander. The longer he stares, the more aware he is of how boyish Jisung looks. He sees the remnants of childhood innocence in the traces of the scars on Jisung’s forehead and the way Jisung’s eyes always seem to sparkle with mischief. The innocence does well by bleeding into Jisung’s personality but Jisung is not just a boy anymore. And Renjun sees that too, sees that Jisung has grown and wisened, and the wisdom that he carries within himself shines behind the softness of his eyes and blooms with every smile he gives. It tells that every action Jisung does is executed with a careful thought behind it. But because Jisung chooses to carry himself in a bright and carefree manner, it’s easy to think that he doesn’t think twice before he acts. But Renjun understands him and he trusts that Jisung knows he does. 

He doesn’t know why he’s having these thoughts but what it all boils down to ultimately is that he’s thankful for Jisung’s presence and Jisung’s trust. And maybe this trust and security they have between them are the reasons why they’re not uncomfortable with what they’re doing right now. 

Renjun puts his palm on Jisung’s cheek gingerly, slides it down Jisung’s jaw and finally tickles below his chin. He waits for Jisung to scrunch his nose. Jisung does. He doesn’t know why but it makes him want to smile every time. 

He taps below Jisung’s chin to get Jisung to relax his face. 

“You worried me, you know that?”

“I know.” Jisung gives an apologetic look. “It’s a disaster whenever I fall sick. But the good thing is I recover quickly.”

“You still have to eat all of your antibiotics even if your fever is gone,” Renjun points out.

Jisung makes a face.

Renjun gives him a reprimanding look. “I’ll watch you eat every one of them, don’t try to be smart about it.”

Jisung laughs, gazing into Renjun’s eyes. “Nothing I do can get past you, huh?”

The atmosphere around them falls silent. It should feel strange, staring at Jisung and have Jisung stare back at him but it doesn’t. If Renjun were to describe this feeling between them, he’d say it feels cozy, weirdly enough. Like being wrapped in a blanket next to a fireplace on a cold winter evening. 

“You’re hungry,” Renjun states after a while when he realises there’s barely any sunlight filtering through the curtains, an indication that they’ve probably missed dinner. Jisung had slept through lunch which means he should certainly be very hungry right now.

“Yeah,” Jisung smiles sheepishly, “Now that you’ve mentioned it.”

Renjun takes that as his cue to get dinner ready. He sits up and swings his legs over the side of the bed. He turns his head over his shoulder to look back at Jisung. “I made you porridge but you should go take a shower first. Oh, and remove your bedsheets for me to wash. I’ll heat up the porridge for us in the meantime.”

Jisung sighs upon being nagged at but when Renjun raises an eyebrow at him, Jisung goes mute immediately and gives Renjun his most obedient smile. Right as Renjun is about to leave, Jisung holds on to his forearm. Renjun turns back to look at him. 

“Hyung?” Jisung asks, looking intently at Renjun while propped up on his elbows.

“Hmm?”

Jisung leans up, presses a quick kiss to Renjun’s cheek. 

Renjun blinks.

“Thank you for taking care of me.”

Renjun doesn’t know how to react. He swallows, finding his throat dry.

“You’re welcome,” he manages out without sounding too awkward. He grips his thighs. He gives Jisung a smile. “Now go have a shower and please, put on a pair of pants after.”

Jisung flops back down onto the bed. He whines. “Why can’t we just not wear pants? Maybe you should try not wearing pants for a change.”

“Maybe I shouldn’t have nursed you back to life.”

Jisung gasps, wide eyes looking at Renjun for confirmation. “You wouldn’t.”

“I wouldn’t,” Renjun agrees. He pats Jisung’s legs. “Come on, the longer you stall the later you eat. Go wash all your germs away.”

He watches as Jisung drags himself out of the room. When Jisung’s gone, Renjun thinks about what Jisung had meant by what he did, and then wonders if he’s thinking too much. Ultimately after realising his thoughts are just going round in circles, he gets up to prepare dinner and refuses to think any more of it.

—-

Jisung’s not home - it’s a night out with his boys. Jisung had mentioned that he’ll be catching a movie with Jeno and Chenle and possibly getting drinks after. Renjun tells him to have fun and he tells Renjun not to let Donghyuck finish all their food this time.

Renjun’s supposed to have a boys’ night out too but Mark bailed for a date with Yukhei (traitor) so it’s just him and Donghyuck tonight. They’ve decided to stay in and chill. And because Renjun had lost in rock, paper, scissors, he has to wash up the dishes from dinner while Donghyuck gets to lounge around the living room like a king. 

To be fair, Donghyuck did cook most of the dinner so Renjun doesn’t mind having to do the dishes. He sees Donghyuck lazing on the couch as he’s putting on a pair of pink rubber gloves. He gathers the dishes into the sink and starts to get to work. He’s scrubbing his third plate when he hears noises coming from the living room. Donghyuck must have gotten bored of his phone and turned the TV on.

Renjun doesn’t pay Donghyuck much mind - Donghyuck treats this place like his own home more than he treats his dorm room. Renjun’s absentmindedly humming a tune to himself when a familiar melody from the TV catches his ears. He can’t remember where he’s heard it before and it takes his brain a few moments to place it. When it happens, he freezes in place and he strains to hear it better. His ears manage to pick up ‘all new season, coming up next,’ and during the time it takes for his brain to register his own actions, he’s taken one pink rubber glove off and running out of the kitchen at top speed. He yells at Donghyuck to stay on the channel. 

“But I want to watch Won Bin in that new drama he’s-” Donghyuck falters. His words die in his throat, too dumbfounded at seeing Renjun dashing like a madman into the living room with one arm still gloved up. He watches the scene unfold before him with much uncertainty.

“Give me the remote control!” Renjun says in a frenzy, snatching it mercilessly from Donghyuck’s hand. Donghyuck stares at Renjun in all his panicked glory as Renjun frantically points the remote control to the TV and jams the record button.

When the TV shows the red recording circle next to the program’s name, Renjun lets out a relieved breath and throws the remote control onto the coffee table. He pulls the one obnoxious pink glove he’s still wearing and throws it on the table too before he slumps into the couch beside Donghyuck.

Donghyuck doesn’t stop staring. He looks stunned - his eyes slowly go from Renjun, to the TV and back to Renjun. Renjun’s still recovering from his short burst of adrenaline that he misses how Donghyuck’s expression lights up as he pieces things together in his head. When Renjun glances at him, Donghyuck’s surprised eyes from before have changed to comical and Renjun knows the realisation hadn’t hit only him. Donghyuck knows as well. He feels his stomach squirm.

Donghyuck barks out an incredulous laugh. “What the fuck?”

Renjun stares at him. “I can explain.”

“Please, do.”

Renjun feels dread clawing up his lungs to his throat. He sits up straight and turns entirely to Donghyuck. He needs Donghyuck to believe him. “Jisung had been waiting all week for the new season to air. I didn’t want him to miss it.”

It sounds stupid the more he rambles. He knows that he could still record it from the start no matter how many minutes have passed and even if he missed this one, there’ll be plenty reruns of it on other days. 

It’s just that in that split second, he had thought of Jisung and acted instinctively.

Donghyuck shakes his head, holds Renjun squarely by his shoulders. His lips stretch into a grin. “Jun, _what the fuck?_ ”

Donghyuck is looking him straight in the eyes. The incredulous look on Donghyuck’s face is slightly teasing at first glance but Renjun sees that there’s more than that - there’s assurance and loyalty in the way his eyes twinkle, the kind that promises Donghyuck laughing at him mercilessly for the way he acted but bawling his eyes out if Renjun sheds even a single tear. And maybe that’s why Renjun finally accepts what he’s known all along and looks at Donghyuck helplessly. 

He bites his lips, searches Donghyuck’s eyes desperately. Frightened, he whispers, “What do I do?”

Donghyuck lets out the breath he’d been holding in with joy, crushing Renjun towards his chest in a tight hug.

“Oh, you baby!”

Renjun feels himself going weak in Donghyuck’s embrace and he slumps over Donghyuck’s shoulder. He feels so, so unsure. “Hyuck, what do I do,” Renjun says again, whining into an almost-sob. He sounds scared even to his own ears. Donghyuck just hugs him tighter, tries to wash his anxiety away with comfort.

“This is the most ridiculous thing to have happened to you,” Donghyuck tells him, only fondness in his voice. “Can I tell you ‘I told you so’?”

“No,” Renjun mutters despairingly, resting his forehead on Donghyuck’s shoulder. It’s funny how completely different their reactions are.

Donghyuck lets out a quiet laugh, pats Renjun’s back before he pulls away to take in Renjun’s face. The smile on Donghyuck’s face is kind.

“You like him a lot, huh?”

Renjun groans, hiding his face into his palms embarrassedly. Of course, the realisation had to come crashing down on him with Donghyuck around to observe it all. And now Donghyuck has to watch him have a breakdown over it as well.

Donghyuck nudges his knees. “Why are you acting like it’s such a bad thing?”

Renjun peeks at Donghyuck between his fingers, hoping his eyes convey his vulnerability so he doesn’t have to spell it out for Donghyuck that he's scared. 

“Hyuck, this is a disaster.”

Donghyuck lifts an eyebrow, unimpressed. “You have a crush and suddenly the world is ending.”

Renjun brings his hands down into his lap and stares at Donghyuck earnestly. “No, Hyuck, you don’t get it,” he pleads weakly, hoping for Donghyuck to understand. Softer, he says, “I think he likes me too.”

Donghyuck has the most confused expression on his face. He stares at Renjun to see if Renjun is joking. He waits for Renjun to break but Renjun doesn’t. He studies Renjun’s face, concludes this is all very real and splutters, “Why is this a problem?”

It is a problem because what Donghyuck doesn’t understand is that Jisung is easily attracted to strange and new things. Renjun can’t help but think the moment they met, he had ticked those boxes off of Jisung’s list without either of them knowing. Renjun knows Jisung is sincere in his actions and feelings towards him but he doesn’t know on what basis. Does Jisung like him for who he is as a person, or does Jisung simply like him because he’s the new toy on the shelf; because they’re as different as night and day and Jisung is inclined to be drawn to him. Renjun doesn’t know if all he is to Jisung is just another short-lasting fascination, just like his army tanks and the stingrays. He wonders how long before Jisung decides he’s not interesting anymore and gets over him. 

It’s a problem because while Jisung might like him, it doesn’t necessarily mean that Jisung likes him in a way where his feelings are reciprocated.

Donghyuck lets out a frustrated groan. “Jun, you’re not a fucking stingray! If you’re saying that what he feels for you is the same as what he feels for those fucking ugly tanks, I need you to slap yourself because if you don’t, I will.”

“But I don’t know how he feels. Hyuck, that’s the whole point! How do I _know_? You’ve got to help me,” Renjun lets out deliriously. “I have no idea at all. I don’t know if he’ll get tired of me in a few weeks’ time. For all I know, he’ll get sick of me and he’ll move out and I’ll be a lonely hermit crab holed up in here crying my eyes out complaining to you about how I was right.”

“You are ridiculous,” Donghyuck says exasperatedly. “The only way to know how he feels is to ask him. It’s as simple as that. You have to ask him!”

“I can’t just ask him!” Renjun counters immediately, sounding scarred. He doesn’t want to make a fool of himself. He’s also too scared to find out Jisung’s true feelings be it for better or for worse.

Donghyuck gives him a pointed look and sighs. “Look, I don’t think Jisung is as cruel as to treat your feelings lightly and I think you know that too. You’re different from his quirky phases and hobbies. You fucking have feelings. All those things don’t! Maybe except the stingrays, but you’re not a fucking stingray, okay? You’re different. I can’t tell you how much he likes you because I don’t know either, but you are so much more than just a phase. Okay?”

It’s almost everything Renjun had wanted to hear and even if it hadn’t come from Jisung himself, hearing someone say it to him brings him relief. He pouts at Donghyuck. “You think I’m special?”

Donghyuck looks at him flatly. “I think you’re a menace and you’re dumb for letting these kinds of worries eat you up when you could have just talked to me.” Despite his words, Donghyuck gives him one more hug and pats his head. “There’s nothing to be scared of, trust me. It’s not as a terrifying as you make it to be. Just ask him. Besides, you know he’ll never say anything to hurt you. He adores you as much as you adore him.”

It makes Renjun feel better and he’s actually secretly grateful to have Donghyuck here during his breakdown. He hugs Donghyuck back, feeling extremely comforted and thankful. 

“You’re the best, Hyuck. I don’t know what I would have done without you.”

“You would have cried and called me because you literally can’t do anything without me.”

Renjun smiles. “You’d be even better if you help me do the dishes.”

Donghyuck’s reply doesn’t take a second. “Don’t even try.”

——

After Donghyuck’s suggestion of asking Jisung about the truth of Jisung’s feelings towards him, Renjun toys with the idea of confessing just to get the weight off his chest. In fact, he’s been toying with it for two whole weeks after his breakdown. Sometimes, he plans his confession all out in his head and when he tells himself it’s time, he backs out. Other times, he finds the impulse to confess out of the blue. Usually the latter happens during the simplest of moments, like when Jisung’s doing something stupid that makes him look cute or when Jisung laughs till his cheeks turn a rosy pink. 

Or right now with Jisung looking slightly flushed, laughing relaxedly at a story he’s recounting to Renjun. An almost empty can of beer is in his hand and his words are starting to slur, signs telling Renjun that Jisung is reaching his limit. And that’s why Renjun knows it’s stupid that he’s thinking of confessing at a time like this - it’s a horrible time to confess. They’re both not fully sober and even though Renjun can still think clearly, there are so many ways for the confession to go wrong. He’d rather not risk it.

Instead, he monitors Jisung’s alcohol intake. They had shared a bottle of soju between them and Jisung’s on his second can of beer. Jisung has a moderate tolerance but Renjun watches his consumption just to avoid any messy situation later on. Jisung laughing like a fool sitting on the kitchen tiles with a can of cheap beer in his hand shouldn’t be all that endearing but it’s the most endearing thing in the world in Renjun’s eyes. The more he stares at Jisung smiling care-free, enjoying their two a.m. alcohol infused conversation, the more the confession comes close to leaving his mouth. But Renjun holds back and bites his tongue before the words can tumble out.

The impromptu roommate drinking session had been Jisung’s idea. 

Renjun had been in his room, planning out his study schedule for the next week when Jisung had knocked and opened his door. He held a can of beer in each hand as he leaned against the doorframe, shaking the cans with a suggestive smile playing on his lips. Renjun scoffed out a laugh knowing what Jisung wants and conceded to the silent invitation easily. He got out of his chair, knocked the back of Jisung’s head playfully and accepted the drink. Jisung had probably been up late studying too and had noticed that Renjun was still awake. They’ve done this a handful of times before and Renjun is thankful to Jisung for bringing it back again because a can of beer or two sounds like a treat from all the cramming they’ve been doing.

They’ve been sitting here on the kitchen floor for a while now (Renjun thinks maybe they should just sell off their stools at this rate), talking mindlessly about whatever that isn’t school or finals related. Renjun listens to Jisung talk but the alcohol carries his mind elsewhere while he stares at Jisung’s face. When he gets a hold of his mind again, he realises he’s starting to feel light-headed and it’s a bad sign because he has to keep a clear head. Renjun lets Jisung continue talking as he gets up to get a glass of water. He comes back with two. He downs his in one go and forces Jisung to drink the other one. 

Jisung takes a few sips just to appease Renjun. Renjun knows he should probably make Jisung drink the whole glass but he lets it slide since finals seem to be stressing Jisung out a lot lately. Renjun keeps the glass near just in case he needs Jisung to sober up quickly. He definitely doesn’t want to deal with Jisung puking his guts out. 

They’re sitting cross-legged beside each other, kneecaps touching when Jisung takes a hold of Renjun’s hand and brings it into his lap. Renjun shouldn’t be surprised because he knows how random Jisung gets and Jisung does have a habit of playing with his arms and hands, but Renjun finds himself holding his breath. Jisung uses his finger to draw on Renjun’s palm absentmindedly. Renjun silently lets him, occasionally squirming when it gets too ticklish. Jisung smiles, secretly enjoying the reactions Renjun makes.

“Hyung, you’re so fun,” Jisung says out lazily. He finishes up his can of beer and rests his palm over Renjun’s when he’s no longer drawing abstract patterns on it. 

Renjun thinks it’s kind of stupid to think himself brave when he closes his fingers around Jisung’s because it’s not something that should warrant this much courage. But it doesn’t matter the amount of courage he summons because after he does it, Jisung’s fingers curl around his naturally. He tries not to let his smile show while he looks down at their clasped hands. 

“That’s a first,” he says in response to Jisung’s statement.

Jisung must think it’s a touchy subject for Renjun because he pulls their laced hands towards his chest to make Renjun look up at him. There’s a slight frown on his face. “No, hyung. I’ve always thought you were fun. I like to see your face when you see me doing my own stuff because it looks like it pains you but when you open your mouth, only praises come out.”

The truth is that it’s not a touchy subject for Renjun, it hasn’t been one since he was in his teens, but Jisung making an effort to make him feel better about himself renders him grateful. 

“Do you want me to scream at you instead?” Renjun says, tilting his chin up to look at Jisung challengingly. He’s being mischievous on purpose just to play with him; to show that Jisung hadn’t stepped on a sensitive line. “Is that what you prefer?”

Jisung shakes his head. “I’m just saying.” He sits up abruptly and turns his body to face Renjun, a contrast to his playful manner from earlier. Renjun watches him carefully, taking in the sudden change. Jisung swallows. “You’re always so nice to me and you never judge me. You even join me sometimes when I do all those things you think are funny. And at the end of it you always tell me I did a good job.”

Renjun blinks at him. “That’s because I always think you do a good job.”

“I just want you to know. If we ever stop… if we become strangers and never see each other again after you graduate, I’ll… I’ll always remember you.”

Jisung must be drunk to be giving this speech because Renjun doesn’t graduate till a year later, and even then, he’s probably going to stay in the apartment till he gets a stable enough job to find a nicer place. But the sentiment behind Jisung’s speech touches him.

“You can’t get rid of me that fast, Sung. And I don’t think we’ll ever be strangers.”

“But if we do-”

“ _If_ we do,” Renjun says, taking his time to look into Jisung’s eyes until he sees that Jisung’s worry has simmered. “I’ll always remember you too.”

Jisung stares at him. “You mean that?”

“Of course,” Renjun says easily. Jisung is still holding on to his hand so he uses his free one to cup Jisung’s jaw and tilt Jisung’s head down to level their eyes. He gives Jisung a playful smile. “I’ll always remember how you mess up the laundry, or that time you drank the milk even though it was spoiled, or that time when you watered the fake plants in the-”

Jisung squeezes Renjun’s hand, leans in and leaves a soft kiss on his cheek. 

It comes as a complete surprise and Renjun stops his speech midway without even realising. None of them realises. It’s the second time Jisung’s ever done it and Renjun still doesn’t know what it’s supposed to mean. His heartbeat grows louder in his ears and when he looks at Jisung, his mind is a complete blank.

“Jisung?”

Jisung’s face is red and Renjun doesn’t know if it’s due to the flush from the alcohol or something else entirely.

“I don’t know why, I just-” Jisung says and his eyes flit down to Renjun’s lips. Renjun’s heart starts beating madly. Jisung keeps moving closer and closer and Renjun closes his eyes-

Soft.

Jisung’s lips are soft. He’s gentle but Renjun feels nervous and he squeezes Jisung’s palm a little too tightly without realising. Jisung responds by bringing his other hand up to cradle Renjun’s face.

Warm.

Jisung’s hand on his face, Jisung’s breath exchanged with his. Jisung’s lips move slowly and carefully against his and it’s luring in the way that makes Renjun want to do it back. And he does want to kiss Jisung back. He moves closer, his hand finding itself on Jisung’s chest. But the moment he moves his lips against Jisung’s, he has two startling thoughts that horrifies him. One - Jisung is drunk. Jisung might not have even meant to kiss him. Two - if he kisses Jisung back, it might just mean he’s taking advantage of Jisung since he’s clearly more sober than Jisung is. He doesn’t want it this way.

He pushes slightly against Jisung’s chest and ducks his head down, withdrawing from the kiss. His heart races through his chest and he tries to tame it.

Jisung’s hand lingers on his face. Renjun doesn’t meet Jisung’s eyes but he can sense as reason slowly floods back into Jisung’s head. The moment it dawns upon Jisung what had just happened between them, Jisung pulls his hand away like he’s been burnt.

“Hyung, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to- I wasn’t thinking and I shouldn’t have-”

Renjun shakes his head. He doesn’t want Jisung to be sorry for it. Jisung kissing him means… it means Jisung likes him, right? That should make him happy and it does. His heart is about to leap out of his chest but he doesn’t want to be foolish. Does it still mean Jisung likes him if Jisung kissed him drunk? Does it still count? What’s more is that he doesn’t know if Jisung truly likes him like how he likes Jisung, or if Jisung likes him in a different, underwhelming kind of way. The kind like lighting a sparkler and watching it burn - bright and overwhelming in short bursts, fading too soon to be over. Thrilling, short and disappointing.

So, it only makes sense that Renjun badly wants to know. He wants to ask Jisung if he feels the same way as he does. He’s so close to asking but he doesn’t. Now’s not a good time for that conversation because there’s more alcohol in their systems than Renjun would like. He thinks it’s better if they talk about it after some sleep. Not to forget the fact that Jisung has classes in a few hours too. They should probably get some rest and clear their heads. Renjun stands and realises his fingers are shaking. He hides them.

“Hyung.”

“I think I’ll head in first, Sung.”

“Hyung, I’m sorry.”

Renjun stops moving and stands in front of him. “No, no. Don’t be. You’re drunk and I could have stopped you but I..,” Renjun lets out an exhale and he sees how anxious Jisung looks. He bends his knees and lowers his hand to comb through Jisung’s hair. He really wants to tell Jisung how he feels but he would rather talk when they’re both more in control of their emotions and are able to process their thoughts better. “It’s fine, don’t worry. We can talk tomorrow, okay? Drink more water then go to bed.”

Jisung looks up at him, his fringe falling into his eyes like always. “Are you mad?”

Renjun is anything but mad. He’s happy about the kiss. But he doesn’t know if Jisung is. And more than that, he’s scared, nervous and confused. It’s a lot to take in but he gives Jisung a tiny smile and shakes his head as a reply, hoping that it assures Jisung. “I’m not mad. I’m going to bed first. And you should too. Sleep well, Sung.”

Renjun goes to his room but he hardly sleeps. His thoughts torment his mind for a long time. He tosses and turns and he only feels better when he tells himself that the first thing he’ll do after the sun rises is to talk to Jisung.

—-

Jisung is gone when Renjun wakes up. Renjun checks his phone and he sees a message from Jisung saying Chenle had dragged him out to class and they’ll be grabbing dinner with Jeno today, which means Renjun will only get to see him at night. He doesn’t have any classes the whole day so that gives him plenty of time to figure out what he wants to tell Jisung before Jisung gets back. Cool, he has a plan and he’s got this under control.

Not cool. Hours have passed - it’s about eight at night and Jisung is bound to be back any time soon. Renjun had a whole afternoon to think but he still has no idea what to say nor how to say it. He sits nervously on the couch glancing at the time on his phone while waiting for the familiar sound of the front door pushed opened. In a few minutes Jisung will be home and he’s going to tell Jisung how he feels without any prior preparation or plan. In other words, he’s winging his confession and it horrifies him because he’s never unprepared. But there’s nothing he can do about it now.

He’s using his phone to distract himself when it pings with a text from Jisung. He reads it over a few times. 

Jisung is staying over at Jeno’s for the night.

it's not anything new. Jisung stays over at Jeno’s enough times for it not to be rare, but something about it doesn’t sit well with him. He doesn’t know why his thoughts are going in a specific direction but it somehow feels like the reason Jisung is staying over at Jeno’s tonight is… because of him.

Renjun takes his time to ruminate it over, trying to come to a rational explanation. He eventually decides to give in to the benefit of doubt and tries not to overthink. If anything, Jisung not coming home gives him more time to think about what he wants to tell him. The good thing is he doesn’t have to talk about his feelings so soon but it also means he’s going to keep feeling this anxious until they do talk. Renjun breathes deeply, tells himself it’s okay and that he’ll take things as they come.

He texts Jisung back telling him to take care and that he’ll see Jisung tomorrow.

The thing is, he doesn’t.

When he leaves for class the next day, Jisung isn’t back from Jeno’s yet and when he returns to the apartment, Jisung is asleep. The next day he leaves for class while Jisung sleeps in and when Jisung comes back from his class that same day, Renjun is already asleep.

This weirdly goes on for the next few days. Even during the weekend, they hardly catch each other. Jisung studies over at Chenle’s or hangs out with Jeno. Renjun too spends most of his time with Donghyuck and Mark, but it’s also partly because he can’t seem to get a hold of Jisung. Renjun doesn’t know if it’s all purely coincidental that they keep missing each other and he feels that it’s a little funny if it were. 

When they do catch each other at home, all they exchange are simple ‘ _how was your day_ ’s or ‘ _have you eaten_ ’s before one of them retreats to their room with the excuse of studying, most of time coming from Jisung. The excuses are all understandable and valid since finals are around the corner but something feels amiss.

It feels like Jisung is avoiding him.

Renjun decides to test it out. He’s at the foyer in front of the door getting ready to leave for class when he spots Jisung with bed-ridden hair coming out of his room. Jisung is heading towards the toilet and Renjun quickly calls out to him before he loses his chance. He sees how Jisung stills mid-walk, as if he’s been caught sneaking around. Evidence number one.

“Sung,” he says nonchalantly as he puts on his shoes. He ties his shoelaces and lifts his head to make eye contact. “Wanna grab lunch with me today?”

Jisung looks conflicted as he stands awkwardly in the hallway. Renjun takes Jisung’s hesitance as evidence number two. Jisung’s reply comes a few beats late and even then, it’s stilted. Evidence number three. 

Jisung makes an apologetic face and scratches the back of his neck. “Sorry, hyung. I - I’m eating with Chenle. Today. Maybe next time.”

Renjun bites his lips. He nods and tells Jisung it’s fine and Jisung wishes him a good day before he leaves. 

He thinks it’s a good thing he has french today. Jeno will have answers.

—-

Renjun is restless throughout their french class. He keeps glancing at Jeno every now and then just to keep Jeno within his line of sight. He doesn’t want to miss his chance at catching Jeno once the class ends. Two hours come and go and Renjun’s chance finally arrives. He sees Jeno packing up his things and he bids a quick farewell to Donghyuck before he chases after Jeno who’s already out the door.

“Hey, wait! Jeno!” Renjun says when he’s caught up, holding on to Jeno’s shoulder. Jeno blinks at him in surprise. Renjun slides his hand away and holds the straps of his bag firmly. He looks at Jeno with intent. “Hey. Are you free to talk?”

Jeno’s mouth forms an ‘o’ before he glances unsurely at his watch. He seems to be in a rush but Renjun really needs the answers so he settles and tries to convince Jeno to spare some of his time. “Ten minutes. That’s all I need. It’s about Jisung.”

Jeno looks hesitant. “I’m sorry. I really have to get to class,” he says apologetically. He gives Renjun a once-over and Renjun’s desperation must show on his face because Jeno reconsiders and says, “But if you don’t mind talking while walking with me to my class-”

Renjun exhales a breath of relief. “Thank you.”

Jeno offers him a smile and gestures for them to start walking. Jeno takes a step and Renjun falls into rhythm with him.

“So,” Jeno clears his throat as they walk. “Jisung.”

Renjun knows his time with Jeno is limited so he cuts straight to the point. “Is he avoiding me?”

Jeno makes an uncomfortable face at Renjun’s question, as if it’s something he’d been wishing he’d never have to hear. He laughs awkwardly. “That’s ridiculous. Why would Jisung be avoiding you?”

Renjun scrunches his eyebrows together, finding Jeno’s reaction questionable. “I don’t know. I think he’s avoiding me.”

Jeno shakes his head. “There’s no way.”

Renjun would like to believe so but Jeno has been avoiding eye contact and he has an inkling that Jeno isn’t being wholly honest with him. And because he’s desperate, he states out explicitly, “He kissed me, Jeno.”

Jeno’s expression stiffens but Renjun can tell it’s not because he’s shocked by the revelation, it’s the fact that Renjun is telling it to him. Which only tells Renjun that Jeno is aware of the kiss.

“He kissed you?” Jeno asks rigidly and it’s all clearly too forced to be true. Jeno definitely knows something and isn’t telling him for some reason.

“Jeno,” he pleads. “I just want to know.”

“I’m not very convincing, aren’t I?” Jeno asks. He sighs. “Okay, I know he kissed you. He’s not avoiding you, he’s just… he’s trying to find the right words and right time to talk to you.”

If that’s what Jisung is doing, he isn’t doing it right. Renjun’s been waiting for days to talk to him but Jisung keeps disappearing anytime there’s a chance for them to talk it out. It’s frustrating and Renjun’s confidence drops as each day passes because it doesn’t feel good being avoided. It makes him think that Jisung hadn’t meant the kiss and this is his way of rejecting him.

“Why is he avoiding me?”

“I just told you he’s not-” 

“Does he not like me?”

Jeno blinks. “What?”

Jeno looks at Renjun confusedly. He tries to read Renjun’s face and Renjun doesn’t know what he sees. Jeno spares a glance down at his watch and starts widening his strides. Renjun tries to match his pace.

“Why are you saying that?” Jeno asks.

“He kissed me, and then he avoids me,” Renjun says in between huffs of breaths, taking wider steps to match Jeno’s ones. “That sounds to me like regret, but I can’t tell if he actually regrets it because he won’t talk to me.” Renjun turns to Jeno. “Does he regret it?”

Jeno grimaces, giving Renjun a wary glance as they continue walking. Renjun doesn't know how to take it. Jeno looks like he wants to tell Renjun something but he closes his mouth and continues walking at an even faster pace. Renjun has to run a few steps to keep up.

“Look, I would really like to help you but it isn’t my place to talk.”

Jeno looks sorry and Renjun can tell that if there’s anything Jeno could do to alleviate the situation, he would. He knows Jeno needs just a bit of a push before he cracks. He swallows and turns to Jeno determinedly. “Jeno, I know we’re not close and this might be weird to hear but I’m only telling you this because you’re close to Jisung. I like him.” Renjun pauses, a little breathless. “A lot. And if he’s avoiding me, I get it, I’m just like...another one of his phases. It’s fine. But I just want to talk to him and tell him how I feel.”

Jeno halts suddenly and he gives Renjun a wide-eyed gaze. “You like him?”

Renjun stops as well. He blushes. “Yeah.”

Jeno looks like he’s about to burst a vein. “Oh god. He-” Jeno closes his eyes and inhales deeply. “Park Jisung, you are killing me.” He opens his eyes, checks his watch before he looks determinedly at Renjun. “Okay listen carefully, two things. Firstly, Jisung doesn’t treat people like how he treats his interests. You need to ask Jisung about this because it doesn’t mean anything if it’s coming from me. Secondly, he’s a stupid idiot and I’ll talk to him about the avoiding thing, which I didn't say he was doing.” Jeno gives him a pointed look to see if his message got across. He sighs. “He just- he needs some time. He doesn’t want to mess anything up.”

Jeno’s explanation helps in making things clearer for Renjun. What Renjun understands now is that Jisung isn’t avoiding him because Jisung hates him, but because Jisung wants to approach things between them carefully without making any mistakes that would affect the equilibrium they have between them. How Jisung feels about him though, he still has no answer. He’ll have to hear it from Jisung himself.

Renjun nods, feeling better after Jeno’s cleared some things up. “Thanks, Jeno.”

Jeno exhales. He gives Renjun a look and a breathless laugh leaves his mouth. The corner of his lip quirks up into a grin. “So you like him a lot huh?”

Renjun flushes. He turns and starts walking forward. “You’re late for class.”

Jeno laughs and follows behind. Renjun wonders if Jeno can afford wasting time like this when he has a class to catch.

“So, what are you going to do?” Jeno asks as he walks next to him again, glancing at him sideways. “You’re going to confess? Tell him te amo?” 

Renjun looks at him flatly. “I’m going to ignore you. Also,” Renjun says carefully, “What language was that supposed to be?”

“French?”

Renjun forces a smile. He figures he can help Jeno out in return for Jeno helping him. “Donghyuck and I are meeting up this weekend to study for our French finals. Please, join us.”

“Really?” Jeno asks, surprised. “Sure, I’ll come.”

They finally near Jeno’s lecture theatre and Jeno rushes the last stretch after exchanging quick goodbye with Renjun. Renjun watches him disappear and fishes out his phone to text Mark for lunch. He’s giving Jisung the time he needs and he hopes Jisung approaches him soon.

—-

Renjun gets homesick sometimes. It often comes out of nowhere, especially if he hasn’t been back home for a while. On some days, it gets especially bad. Renjun knew today would be one of those days.

It’s his mother’s birthday.

Renjun woke up knowing that fact and a heavy feeling sits in his chest as his day starts. He skips school because he doesn’t really feel like going. All he wants to do is curl up on his bed, turn on some sad Chinese songs and look through photos of his family on his phone. Usually he’d find Donghyuck and Mark to forget about being sad but it’s his mom’s birthday and it doesn’t feel right to want to forget about it. 

He doesn’t stay in bed all day. He plans to but before doing that, he forces himself to eat a small brunch. He notes that the apartment is empty which means Jisung had already left for his classes. Renjun leaves the apartment after his meal to make a short trip to the nearest florist to get a bouquet of daisies. When he returns, he puts the daisies in a vase in the living room and in a small vase on the study desk in his room. 

He video calls his mom after that. He proudly shows her that he’d gotten her her favourite flower and he sings her happy birthday. She cries which makes him cry and when the call ends, he cries a little again. He should get used to it; it’s always like this, the same time every year. But it’s always hard when he sees a happy celebration taking place without him on the other side of the screen, thousands of miles away from where he is. Loneliness is not something easy to get used to. His family tries to cheer him up and make him feel included by sending him photos in their family group chat. He lies down on his bed and looks through them. Eventually time passes and he falls asleep.

He wakes to noises coming from outside his room. Jisung must be back from his classes. Renjun sits up and rubs his eyes. He goes out to get a glass of water. When he enters the kitchen, Jisung is there on the kitchen stool, a first in a long while, and he’s eating what Renjun sees is his fourth cup of yoghurt. Three empty ones are placed in a row in front of him on the kitchen island.

“You that hungry?” Renjun asks, the same time Jisung looks at him and states, “You’re home.”

The silence that follows is loud and the atmosphere turns awkward when neither of them speaks. Renjun nods to answer Jisung’s question.

“I didn’t know you were home,” Jisung says quietly.

“I skipped class. I was sleeping in my room,” Renjun says. His eyes shift subtly from Jisung to the cups of yoghurt. 

Jisung becomes self-aware and a tinge of pink colours his cheeks. Renjun doesn’t comment on it. He makes his way to grab a cup from the rack beside the kitchen sink.

“They expire today,” Jisung explains voluntarily. “And since you’re not a big fan of yoghurt and I didn’t want them to go to waste-”

“You’re eating them for dinner?”

“Technically they should be dessert but I haven’t eaten dinner yet so,” Jisung mumbles, aware himself that it’s weird to eat yoghurt for dinner. As if to justify himself, he adds, “Maybe I’ll have a cheese sandwich later.”

Renjun stares at him for three seconds and nods. Jisung switching his dinner and dessert is one of the least questionable things he’s done. “Okay.”

Renjun pours himself a cup of water, downs it and gives the cup a brief rinse.

“Hyung?”

Renjun hums, his back to Jisung.

“Are you okay? You look… down.”

“Yeah, I’m okay, just a little… I’ll be okay soon enough,” Renjun says. He puts his cup back on the rack. He turns and gives Jisung a tiny smile. He tells Jisung to be careful when he makes his sandwich and that he’s going back to his room to rest.

He sits idly on his bed, legs stretched out over the edge. He should really be studying because his finals are in a few days but he’s not in the mood to do anything. He lets today be an exception and tells himself that he’ll get right back at it tomorrow. For now, he puts on music loud enough to fill the background and spaces out.

He doesn’t know how much time has passed when a knock sounds on his door and Jisung’s head pops in. 

“Can I?”

Renjun tilts his head sideways, gesturing for Jisung to come in.

Jisung enters with a plate of sandwich. He puts it on Renjun’s study desk and sits in the chair in front of it. He turns the chair to face Renjun. His hands rest listlessly in his lap.

“You haven’t eaten anything yet so I made you a sandwich too.”

Renjun shifts closer to the edge of his bed to be nearer to Jisung so that it’s easier for them to talk face-to-face. 

“Thank you.”

Jisung’s eyes roam around. He takes in the soft music flowing out from Renjun’s laptop, the foreign words no longer strange to his ears. He sees that the photo frame of Renjun’s family, which usually sits on top of Renjun’s drawer, has shifted to the bed. His eyes eventually land on the flower on Renjun’s study table. 

“Daisies,” he says quietly. “I saw them in the living room too. You bought them?”

Renjun nods. “They’re my mom’s favourite. It’s her birthday today.”

The moment Renjun says that, Jisung’s face turns soft and Renjun registers understanding in his eyes. It makes him feel vulnerable to be seen so clearly. He wants to tell Jisung that he’s fine but he finds his throat getting tight. Something about Jisung understanding him easily makes his chest squeeze.

Jisung starts moving towards the bed and some sort of urgency overcomes Renjun to try and convince Jisung that there’s nothing to worry about.

“I just miss her, that’s all really.” Renjun explains. He gives a smile to cover for how rough his voice sounds but his lips tremble and tears start pooling in his eyes before he knows it. He swallows and breathes out slow, meeting Jisung’s eyes carefully. He shakes his head to assure Jisung he's okay. “It’s just one of those days.”

Jisung sits beside him. His voice is gentle when he speaks. “You skipped class today,” he says. Renjun knows Jisung means to say _I know you’re not okay._

Renjun nods. Jisung looks at the flowers once more then shifts his gaze to Renjun. His eyes are kind. “They’re very pretty flowers.”

Renjun bites the insides of his cheeks and nods again. Jisung reaches out to touch his shoulder and he rubs it comfortingly. “Hyung, come here,” he says softly before he pulls Renjun in and Renjun finds himself embraced into Jisung’s chest. 

Tears fall quietly and graciously without Renjun’s permission. Renjun closes his eyes and feels the burn of the tears behind his eyelids while he seeks solace in Jisung’s embrace. 

“I’m sorry,” Renjun mutters because he hadn’t meant for Jisung to deal with him being sad over missing home.

Jisung holds him dearly, a hand caressing the back of his head. “You don't have to be sorry for being homesick.”

Renjun breathes slowly and nods against Jisung’s chest. “I know. I just feel silly about it.” He sniffles and laughs weakly. “It’s so embarrassing. I can’t bring my head up to look at you.”

“It’s okay. I like hugging you like this.”

Renjun’s stomach twists.

When he feels fine enough to look at Jisung, he pulls away from Jisung’s arms. Jisung smiles down at him and pushes his hair away from his face. “You feel better?”

Renjun wipes his cheeks just in case they’re still wet. They aren’t. He never thought Jisung’s presence would bring him this much comfort but he finds himself feeling extremely grateful for it. 

Renjun nods and lets out an exhale, the weight in his chest easing out of him delicately. “I guess all I needed was a hug.”

Jisung’s face lights up with a smile. “I’m glad. I’ll let you rest. But eat your sandwich, I spent three whole minutes on it.”

Jisung stands and it makes Renjun feel a sudden loss. Words are heavy in his throat so when he manages to utter out for Jisung to wait, it sounds desperate and Jisung looks back concernedly.

“What’s wrong?”

Renjun immediately feels stupid and regret starts pooling in his stomach. 

“Uhh, nothing. Just wanted to say thanks, for the sandwich.”

Jisung eyes him carefully. He looks like he’s about to leave but he stops short, only a few steps away from Renjun’s bed. He rubs his arm and asks hesitantly, “Actually, can we talk?” Jisung waits for Renjun to answer but before Renjun can say anything he quickly adds, “If you’re up for it of course. We can do it another time if you want.”

Renjun shakes his head. “No, now is fine. I want us to talk too.”

Renjun pats the space beside him for Jisung to sit. Jisung sits back down and he grips his own thighs.

“So,” Jisung starts cautiously. “I think you’ve noticed… that I have been avoiding you.”

“I have,” Renjun agrees.

Jisung sighs. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to kiss you that night. I wasn’t thinking right. After you went to your room, I kept thinking about it and I was so scared of how you’d react the next day. So I did what was easy. I avoided you.”

Renjun studies Jisung’s face and sees that he truly regrets what he did. He doesn’t want Jisung to torment himself over something that he isn’t angry at Jisung about. He turns his body to face Jisung more comfortably.

“Sung, you kissed me.”

Jisung looks down at his lap. “I know, and I’m sor-”

“I didn’t hate it.”

Renjun sees how Jisung freezes and he slowly brings his head up to look at Renjun. 

“Sung, you like me.” Renjun says and Jisung stays quiet, staring uncertainly at him. “I know you do. But what I don’t know is how much you actually like me.” Renjun feels shy to say these words out himself but he braves on. “I don’t know if one day you’ll wake up and decide you’re over me and that you’re, I don’t know, into zombies instead.”

Jisung doesn’t respond immediately. He’s quiet but it doesn’t worry Renjun because he knows that Jisung is thinking of an answer that would satisfy the both of them. So he waits patiently and looks at Jisung assuringly to show that he understands.

Jisung exhales a nervous breath. “Hyung, remember when I told you I’d never forget you even if we grew apart?” he asks. Renjun nods. “I was trying to tell you how much you mean to me.”

Renjun hadn’t realise. 

But now that Jisung has told him, it’s as clear as day and it all made complete sense. He feels stupid now for not having caught the underlying meaning of Jisung’s words. He usually prides himself in noticing the small details and meaning of things but that night Jisung was drunk and he had brushed it off as Jisung rambling. He hadn’t thought to pay much mind to it. Thinking back, Renjun realises it would have saved them a lot of time and trouble if he gave Jisung’s words a little more thought. He should have known better - he knows how much thought Jisung gives before he says or does anything, even if it doesn’t seem like he does. 

Jisung looks nervous and Renjun is too but it’s a happy kind of nervous for the both of them. Jisung gazes shyly at him. “I really like you. Ever since the first month I moved in. I’m not lying. At first, I thought it was a thing I would get over quickly… but I didn’t. And then it changed into something that I really wanted to get over quickly but I couldn’t. Every day I wake up is just another day of liking you. I don’t think it’s going to ever change,” Jisung says. His nose scrunches when he lets slip a tiny smile. “Besides, I’m scared of zombies.”

“Zombies are cool though,” Renjun says and he sees how Jisung starts looking helpless at the lack of answer to his confession. Renjun laughs and nudges his knee. “I’m glad you feel that way about me, because I really like you too.”

Jisung’s face relaxes but he doesn’t look completely relieved. “But when I kissed you that night, you pushed me-”

“You were drunk,” Renjun interjects. “And I was going to confess the next day but-”

“I avoided you,” Jisung says, starting to realise how they had unnecessarily made things complicated for themselves. He groans and tucks his face into his elbow to hide how embarrassed he is. “I thought you rejected me! I was so sad and scared that you would never treat me the same again.”

Renjun laughs. “If it makes you feel better, I thought you liked stingrays more than me.”

“We really went a long way around this, didn’t we?” Jisung says, bringing his arm away from his face. He reaches out shyly for Renjun’s hand and Renjun doesn’t hesitate to hold his. A smile blooms on Jisung’s face and it makes Renjun’s heart skip.

The smile on Jisung’s face is adorable. Renjun uses his other hand to caress Jisung’s cheek. “Hey,” he whispers, holding back a fond smile. “I like you.”

“I like _you,_ ” Jisung says and his nose crinkles when his smile grows wider. “Wanna eat our sandwiches together while watching a space documentary?”

Renjun laughs and Jisung looks proud of it. He leans in and leaves a gentle kiss on Renjun’s cheek. “There’s the smile I’ve been waiting for.” Jisung thumbs his hand gingerly. “I’m sorry I confessed on your mom’s birthday. I didn’t mean to do it on her special day. But at least I made her son happy, so I hope that makes up for it?”

Renjun doesn’t mean to laugh but it’s the most ridiculous worry to have, yet it’s the most Jisung thing to worry about.

“You’re good,” Renjun assures him. He returns a kiss to Jisung’s cheek and sees how a blush instantly appears. Cute. 

“Come on,” he stands and pulls Jisung up with him. “I really love space documentaries.”

When they walk out together, their fingers are intertwined. It feels nice when Renjun rests his head on Jisung’s shoulder and Jisung has his hand around his waist. They eat their sandwiches, talk, laugh, exchange shy touches and watch how stars are formed. 

—-

“Hyung, my jacket! Have you seen it?”

Renjun lets out a small sigh before he leans his body away from the kitchen counter, closer towards the kitchen entryway so Jisung can hear him when he shouts.

“On the couch! I told you not to put it there because you’ll forget! Now look-”

“Thank you!” Jisung shouts back, relief loud in his exclamation. Renjun sees him dashing past the kitchen into the living room. The sight of Jisung makes him shake his head because Jisung’s socks are only pulled halfway up and his belt isn’t even buckled. Renjun leaves Jisung to handle himself while he goes back to waiting for the kettle to boil.

Jisung is meeting Jeno and Chenle at the observatory. He had initially wanted to go with Renjun but Renjun had promised to meet up with Donghyuck and Mark before Jisung had brought it up. He promised Jisung they’ll go together next time and encouraged him to check out the observatory with Jeno and Chenle first instead.

While Renjun has an hour left before he’s supposed to meet Mark and Donghyuck at their usual cafe, Jisung has no more time to spare. In fact, he’s late. He was supposed to leave ten minutes ago but he’s still looking for his wallet and phone if the noises in the living room are anything to go by. Renjun hears Jisung let out a shout of triumph - a sign that he has managed to find them. He’s finally all set and ready to go.

“Hyung! I’m leaving!”

About time too. Any later Chenle will have his head. Renjun is about to wish Jisung goodbye when he hears an “Oh, wait!”

The next thing he knows, Jisung is dashing into the kitchen. He turns around to see what the rush is about but Jisung is suddenly holding him by his waist and leaning down to kiss him on the lips. He finds himself involuntarily leaning back against the counter from how Jisung crowds into him and he lets out a surprised laugh after the kiss. He looks up at Jisung for an explanation. 

“I had to.”

Renjun’s eyes shine playfully. “Oh, you had to?”

Jisung hums and when he smiles his eyes disappear into tiny curves. 

Renjun notices the collar of Jisung’s jacket is turned inwards and he reaches to fold it back out. “Have fun, but not too much without me around,” Renjun says, busying himself with adjusting Jisung’s jacket. “It will make me sad.”

Jisung laughs hearing Renjun’s words. He uses one hand to caress Renjun’s jaw before he slides it down to Renjun’s chin and tilts his face up. Renjun finds himself looking into Jisung’s eyes, bright and sparkling. 

“You too. Oh and don’t forget we have that double date with Jaemin hyung and Yangyang hyung this weekend.”

“Funny how that turned out, don’t you think?” Renjun muses.

Jisung’s nose scrunches when he smiles and Renjun loves it when it does. “I might be back late so if I’m not home when you’re back, don’t-”

Renjun doesn’t bother to hear the rest of it. It’s all routine now. _Don’t wait up for me. Go to sleep if you feel sleepy. Don’t sleep on the couch, it’s bad for your back._ He knows all of it by heart. Instead, he pulls Jisung in by the collar of his jacket and lands a harmless kiss on his lips. It works in stopping Jisung from talking anymore and Jisung relaxes into it, taking his time to kiss Renjun sweetly, one hand steady on Renjun’s waist, the other hand gently caressing his face.

When Jisung tries to break away, Renjun allows him to think it for one second before he sneakily leans in and deepens the kiss instead. He feels Jisung smile before Jisung tugs him in closer to erase away any distance there is left between them.

“Hyung,” Jisung manages out breathlessly when they part. He sees how rosy Renjun’s cheeks are and he thumbs them gingerly. “If you keep this up, you’re gonna make Jeno hyung kill me and you’ll be late too at this rate.”

“Since when did you care about time?” Renjun asks, arching an eyebrow knowingly. He slides his arms round Jisung’s neck and the smiles on both their faces tell that they know neither of them will be moving from the kitchen any time soon.

Renjun knows their friends are going to kill them for being late but when Jisung leans down to meet his lips in another kiss, Renjun finds that he can hardly care.

—-

**Author's Note:**

> i was on the fence for a while on whether or not to post this fic (i just think the plot is Weird) but a friend said she liked it so im posting this in hopes that at least one other person enjoys it too. if you made it this far then thank you for reading this weird word vomit of mine. 
> 
> comments make writers happy! Thank you for reading!  
> [twt](https://twitter.com/hapatakup) [cc](https://curiouscat.me/subaks) :)


End file.
